IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?

#museums #sites #tourists #people #case #visit #places
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 a myriad of
museums
 and historical venues mostly attract
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 in lieu of inhabitants.
This
 essay is dedicated to the underlying roots, followed by some equivalent far-reaching resolutions to
this
 dire problem.
Firstly
, without a shadow of a doubt, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a wide range of culprits why
museums
 and historical areas are more often paid a visit by holidaymakers
instead
 of local people. To be specific, visitors are prone to discover cultures in other countries since they want to find out the discrimination between cultures in their nation and those of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.
For instance
, a wave of Chinese tourists drop
in to
Join the words
into
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 Vietnamese
museums
 with a view to discovering history cultures
such
 as
Dynasty
Correct article usage
the Dynasty
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 of Trieu, Dinh, Ly, Tran and to name a
few
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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which is pretty much in the same time with Chinese Dynasty of Han, Duong, Tong, Nguyen.
Therefore
,
this
 is the reason why
museums
 and historical venues appeal to
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 rather than local visitors.
Secondly
,
while
 the importance of the underlying roots is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the effective solution is ignored.
In particular
, it is essential for both the Government and
organization
Correct article usage
the organization
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 to advertise the
museums
 on local social media and put on some campaigns at historical venues.
For example
, a TV show called 2
days
Capitalize word
Days
show examples
 1
nighthas
Correct your spelling
nights
night has
 played a paramount significant role in introducing an eclectic mix of historical destinations in Vietnam for both tourists and inhabitants.
Hence
, there is a wide range of solutions in order to attract more local visitors.
To sum up
, there are some reasons and solutions with a view to attracting more dwellers adjacent to
museums
 and historical regions to pay a visit there.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure and well-defined introduction and conclusion. The topic sentences of each paragraph should be more clearly stated to improve coherence.
task achievement
The response addresses the task to a limited extent, but more comprehensive ideas and specific examples are needed to fully develop the argument. The essay should spend more time analyzing the reasons for the situation and proposing specific, realistic solutions.
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