IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmers #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
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Recently, people have been debating if the younger generation should volunteer for
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 as one of their extracurricular activities. In the present essay, I will express my opinion on the topic. I strongly agree with the statement as
in
Change preposition
on
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one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, I think it is
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for teenagers to have a full schedule and to add hobbies (meaning, anything a person does outside school hours where they do not earn money) to their free time. In fact, there are scientific studies that say that teens involved in a hobby are less likely to participate in risky or problematic
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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 in comparison to those who are not taking part in
such
Linking Words
 activities. Volunteering
also
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 gives the opportunity of developing skills, like communication, teamwork, planning and organising, as the volunteers are focusing on something they chose and are able to meet new people.
This
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 good for the
community
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 since organizations can be frugal while keeping their operations running.
For example
Linking Words
, if students volunteer to
work
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 at a thrift shop, the company can save more money out of the profit they make, and at the same time, the experience of working at the store will increase the teenagers' personal development while gaining job skills that will, most likely, open up employment opportunities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I have to point out that some people should not focus on
community
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work
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,
beside
Replace the word
besides
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 its' advantages.
For example
Linking Words
, if a student struggles with subjects at school,
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics, and decides to feel his or her free time
with
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apply
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volunteering
instead
Linking Words
 of getting extra help with
mathematic
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mathematics
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 explanation classes,
then
Linking Words
 it will have a negative effect on school success. In
this
Linking Words
 case, academic accomplishment is more important that the benefits
from
Change preposition
of
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community
Use synonyms
work
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. To conclude,
although
Linking Words
 there are countless gainings for teenagers to do unpaid
work
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,
such
Linking Words
 as skill developing and promoting healthy
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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 while helping organizations'
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
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, it must be emphasized that different individuals require different attention, meaning that
community
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 service should be added to the schedules of some students, but for others, activities
such
Linking Words
 as support to study could be more important.
Submitted by filipa.joao11 on

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