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Writing Samples
Band 5

The percentage of overweight children has increased rapidly in the recent years in several countries. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #years #countries #effects #trend
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It is irrefutable that
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from overweightness have tough lives;
in addition
Linking Words
, in the modern world, humans begin to gain more and more weight. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend, and give solutions for the increasing
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of fat
people
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 especially adolescents start to become obese due to several reasons.
To begin
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 with, owing to fast food restaurants
such
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 as
McDonalds
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Mcdonald's
Mcdonalds'
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 and KFC, society begin to eat more unhealthy food which has several unhealthy ingredients in it. Since they have
addictive
Correct article usage
an addictive
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taste
Fix the agreement mistake
tastes
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,
people
Use synonyms
 cannot stay away from them.
Moreover
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, nowadays, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 have
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 because of their jobs. They cannot move and go to the GYM even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 want because they need to gain money in order to meet their daily needs. It can be very difficult to solve these problems since the things that aforementioned
are
Correct your spelling
area
show examples
 became a part of our lives;
however
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, it is not impossible.
First
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 of all,
government
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the government
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 must increase the
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of
people
Use synonyms
. Ministers and doctors can participate in TV programs, and talk about the harms of these bad habits. They can
also
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 decrease the cost of healthy meals which are so hard to afford.
Therefore
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, for the sedentary lifestyle,
government
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the government
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 cannot do many things as it is the problem
of
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for
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 companies;
nonetheless
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, companies can reduce the work time so workers can spend their time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 various activities
such
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 as GYM. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that even though it is very hard to change our daily habits, with the proper changes, as well as
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
a wariness
, we can manage to do everything.
Submitted by a.mammadzada on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • rapidly
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • affordability
  • nutrition
  • physical activity
  • urbanization
  • genetic predisposition
  • psychological factors
  • type 2 diabetes
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • social issues
  • self-esteem
  • healthcare costs
  • productivity
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