IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that there could be more benefit to society if more people studied business than history.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
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 argue that studying
business
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 is more advantageous for the community than studying
history
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. I completely agree with
this
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 statement because
knowledge
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 of
business
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Add a missing verb
is
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robably
Correct your spelling
probably
 going to help you get a job or start a new
business
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;
moreover
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,
business
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knowledge
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 is essential for the economic
development
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 of the county. On the one hand,
people
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's
business
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knowledge
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 is crucial for the county's economic
development
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. Globalization and new technology have changed the world tremendously, and
as a result
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, modern
business
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 methods and platforms have evolved.
Therefore
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, to succeed in
business
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, learning
business
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 strategies is required.
For example
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,
success
Add an article
the success
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 of
business
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 strategies in China ,
such
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 as online trading, they have become the world's largest economy.
However
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, learning
history
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 does not contribute to economic
development
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.
Although
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history
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 reveals our ancient methods of doing
business
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 and trading success, almost all of these strategies are obsolete and far less effective than modern ones.
On the other hand
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, opportunities can be created by learning
business
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 rather
thaemployers
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than employees
.  In the job market,
business
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 skills and
knowledge
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 are highly valued by employers  and
thus
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studens
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students
student
 who learn
business
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 can get a job easier than those who studied
history
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
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 with
business
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knowledge
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 can start their own
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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, find raw materials and customers, and eventually expand their
business
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 overseas; whereas,
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history
Change preposition
in history
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 leaners, only a few
people
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 have
the
Add a missing verb
had the
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 opportunity to start their own
company
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companies
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 because they have not considered how
to
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apply
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compete with other companies or attract new customers. In conclusion, learning
business
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 is more important than learning
history
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, because learning
business
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 may directly involve the
development
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 of the economy in a country. Aside from that, learning businesses create more opportunities than studying
history
Use synonyms
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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