IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #home #work #school #lives
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It is clear that every person will face
with
Change preposition
apply
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some responsibilities in his future and based on
this
Linking Words
 some people argue that it is better to rely on our
children
Use synonyms
 and put some of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the works
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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in
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on
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 their
shoulder
Fix the agreement mistake
shoulders
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,
Linking Words
However
Add the comma(s)
,However
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 others believe that they should be
by
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on
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 their
on
Correct your spelling
own
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on
Remove the redundancy
apply
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their leisure
time
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. in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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i
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I
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 will argue both beliefs and
also
Linking Words
 put my own opinion. Some parents like to involve their
children
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 in
house
Correct article usage
the house
show examples
works
Use synonyms
 and they think it can help them to take care of their family in future and
also
Linking Words
 it can
leads
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lead
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 to them having
a
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an
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 awesome performance in their job too.
Therefore
Linking Words
 many mothers push their girls to help them
in
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with
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 cooking.
For instance
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,
japanese
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Japanese
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 mothers believe that their girls should imitate every action of
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 mother when she is
on
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in
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 primary school and
this
Linking Words
 way they inherit their maternal instinct in their own lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some parents are big fans of letting their
children
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
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be
with
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on
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 their own
on
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in
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 their leisure
time
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 and just
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 with their friends. They argue that in
this
Linking Words
 method of
upbringing
Add a comma
,upbringing
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 if we don't push our
children
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 to have other
resposibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
, they will gain the necessary
abalities
Correct your spelling
abilities
 that every child should gain at that age
instead
Linking Words
 of just
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 some householding
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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. And my opinion is the same as the
second
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 group. I think there is too much
time
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 for individuals to gain
grown ups
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grown-ups
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 skills but it may not be enough
time
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 for every child to do the same for their primary skills like finding friends. In
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
Although
Linking Words
 involving
children
Use synonyms
 in
house
Correct article usage
the house
show examples
works
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 may have some good profits but it may block the natural lifestyle of a child,
Hence
Linking Words
 they won't have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to improve their essential skills like finding friends.
Submitted by Aryanafraz1997 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra responsibilities
  • develop skills
  • life lessons
  • work ethic
  • sense of responsibility
  • contribute to
  • family
  • community
  • playtime
  • physical development
  • mental development
  • balance
  • enjoyment
  • guide
  • childhood
What to do next:
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