IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Sugary drinks should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#drinks #people #sugar
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the competition in sugary drink markets is obviously increasing, and the prices of the products are
also
Linking Words
 reasonable. Someone agrees that cheaper cost is the decisive factor in the enormous consumption of sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 it should be risen to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume fewer carbohydrates. Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, I believe that
health
Use synonyms
 education and awareness, as well as, healthy substitute sweeteners should be emphasised to make
people
Use synonyms
 have less
sugar
Use synonyms
 in their diet or choose wisely when they crave sweet
drinks
Use synonyms
.
Health
Use synonyms
 education should be taught more to
people
Use synonyms
 to encourage them to have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 awareness of their
health
Use synonyms
. They intake an immense amount of carbohydrates in each meal due to lacking comprehensive knowledge and medical concerns. If
people
Use synonyms
 learn that high blood glucose can lead to life-threatening problems, disabilities and death
such
Linking Words
 as stroke, heart attack, and leg amputation from Diabetic Mellitus (DM), they may continuously control their
carbohydrates
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrate
show examples
 eating behaviours, and unhealthy sweetened
drinks
Use synonyms
 may be less consumed eventually.
People
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged more to ingest food that uses healthier
sugar
Use synonyms
 substitutes. A prime example of these alternatives is stevia. It is a sugary plant which is free of
calorie
Fix the agreement mistake
calories
show examples
 and
sugar
Use synonyms
. These sweet leaves are suitable for
ones
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who control weight and blood glucose levels. Stevia-sweetened
drinks
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of typical sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
, could become a wise choice for anyone who
love
Change the verb form
loves
show examples
 sweetness but
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 to be healthy. In conclusion, the consumption of high carbs diet leads to major diseases, disabilities and death.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I disagree with increasing the price of sugary products, I strongly believe that
health
Use synonyms
 education and awareness as well as
availability
Add an article
the availability
show examples
 of healthy substitute sweeteners would be the key priorities to make
people
Use synonyms
acknowledged
Wrong verb form
acknowledge
show examples
 and
concerns
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
 more of their
health
Use synonyms
, which could help them decrease or choose their
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake wisely while we can remain affordable prices of sugary products.
Submitted by vollesunita on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sugary drinks, sugar-sweetened beverages, soft drinks
  • Health consequences, obesity, diabetes, dental health
  • Government intervention, public health, deterrent
  • Sin taxes, levies, fiscal policies
  • Equity, accessibility, low-income communities
  • Consumer behavior, dietary habits
  • Education campaigns, public awareness
  • Beverage industry, economic impact
  • Paternalism, autonomy, personal choice
  • Global trends, international policies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: