Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the internet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #travel #countries #information #tv #internet

It is commonly believed that travel overseas could educate about that nation.

However

, others think that could

gain

knowledge

about other

nations

while

watching on the

television

or the

internet

. I strongly believe that travelling abroad could

get

Verb problem

give me

show examples

a better opportunity to

gain

knowledge

about other countries. To commence with, in the modern era,

people

like to travel overseas

fulfil

Verb problem

apply

show examples

for work or leisure and educational

purposes

Due to

that ,fact

people

will get more benefits to

gain

experience in a different culture,

Also

, they can

educate

Wrong verb form

be educated

show examples

about the latest technology and business environment.

Moreover

, some of the students

aboard

Rephrase

abroad

show examples

with education matters. Because they believe that staying and learning in another country might they could find better employment in the future.

For example

, in Sri Lanka many

people

migrate to a complete master's degree because overseas education and experience will help them to find good employment in Sri Lanka with high salaries,

Furthermore

, some

athe

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

people

migrate for work

purposes

. Because they could earn a high salary and

gain

the latest technology about the work.

Therefore

, someday when they come back home

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

seek good employment with a promotion.

Due to

that

reason

Add a comma

reason,

show examples

those who are willing to

aboard

Correct your spelling

go abroad

show examples

for different

purposes

could

educate

Wrong verb form

be educated

show examples

about other

nations

which might lead to a better future.

On the other hand

, some

people

believe those experiences they could

gain

from the

television

or the

internet

. Because now we are living in the global village.

Then

everything you can seek from the

internet

television

For instance

, when we watch

television

we can observe many

television

programs related to the other country.

Then

people

could easily learn about other

nations

without

expend

Verb problem

spending

show examples

too much money. But that

knowledge

is very limited rather than

gain

experience

while

abroad in another country. In conclusion, my opinion for

people

who are abroad for different

purposes

could learn more information regarding other

nations

' environments

rather

Rephrase

apply

show examples

than those who

gain

knowledge

from

television

or the

internet

Capitalize word

Internet

show examples

Submitted by asankabiz84 on Wed Jan 11 2023

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coherence cohesion

Provide a clear opinion on the issue in the introduction and conclusion

coherence cohesion

Organize the points more clearly with better transition words and cohesive devices

task achievement

Present more in-depth examples and relevant details to support the main points

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

329 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

immersive
interactions
virtual means
cultural nuances
language acquisition
problem-solving
adaptability
sustainability
virtual tours
documentaries
sophisticated
realistic representations
comprehensive understanding
financial status
carbon footprint
digital resources

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Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the internet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In the past, knowledge was contained in books. Nowadays, knowledge is uploaded to the internet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

Virtual reality be used as a tool for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Aircraft have been increasingly used to transport fruit and vegetables to some countries where such plants hardly grow or are out of season. Some people consider it a good idea, but some people opposie it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries, the number of children aged 15 and younger are increasing dramatically.What are the current and future effects of an ever increasing population?