IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Question:- Over the past 50 years, young people gain status and power but old people have lost.What is the cause and it is a good or bad development?

Throughout history, many countries and societies have developed themselves via the invention of new technologies. These developments have
affected
Verb problem
had
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 numerous effects in positive ways, and it has played a crucial role
to gain
Change preposition
in gaining
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 influence and control over everything. During
this
Linking Words
 period, the young population
attain
Wrong verb form
attained
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 prestige and
power
Use synonyms
 and the old public lost. There are many reasons to discuss
this
Linking Words
 issue, and as far as I'm concerned it is a good development. First of all, young
people
Use synonyms
 have vivid imaginations about how to maintain their country's issues, and they can make assumptions about how to cope with any problems.
Secondly
Linking Words
, their ideas enlighten other
communities
Use synonyms
 and by doing
this
Linking Words
 they can create awareness. Enlightening ideas and creating awareness over societies
have
Verb problem
are
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 keys to gaining and controlling
power
Use synonyms
 and condition. Adolescents always have to improve themselves if they want to protect their status quo. In my opinion, it is a good development.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, old
people
Use synonyms
 have lost their dignity and
power
Use synonyms
 because these
people
Use synonyms
do
Verb problem
are
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 not open to new ideas, and new technologies
in addition
Linking Words
 they cannot adapt to new things.
Therefore
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who believed in them abandoned them and it caused them to lose their control over the public. In
a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, we are living in a technology world. Every new thing
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 necessary to improve our societies or
communities
Use synonyms
, Young adolescents have the ability to adapt to these things
very
Rephrase
more
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 quickly than old
communities
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 why the old
communities
Use synonyms
 failed young
people
Use synonyms
. If these
people
Use synonyms
 want to gain
power
Use synonyms
 and control their status, they have to accustom themselves to improve themselves.
In other words
Linking Words
, it is a good development.

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that each idea is fully developed. Try to explain your points with more details or examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas better. This will help your writing flow and make it easier for the reader to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating similar phrases. Try to use different words to express your ideas more clearly. This will improve your language use.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, stating that you believe the changes are positive.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction gives a general overview of the topic and sets the stage for your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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