IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The continued increase in obesity is the greatest problem faced by developed countries at the present time. What are the causes of this continued increase? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by developed countries today?

#obesity #countries #time
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Most developed
state
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states
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 are facing now, the problem of
rise
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a rise
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 in the number of overweight
people
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.
This
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 problem can have multiple reasons , we will discuss some of them in
this
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 essay and I personally opine
the
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on the
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 idea of the proponents.
Firstly
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,
population
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the population
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 in developed society are having unhealthy
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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such
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 as
,
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apply
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 eating fast food and
no
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having no
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 balanced diet.The consequence of
that is
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 the growth in the number of obesity even
for
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among
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 children.
For example
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,
studie
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studies
study
 shows that most young
people
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 i n USA
are
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is
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 overweight because of eating junk food and they have more chances to have a heart attack in the future.
Morover
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Moreover
,
people
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 are lazy to cook
healthy
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a healthy
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meal
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meals
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 at home because they don't have time after a long day at work as
results
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result
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 of that they order online foodstuff.
Secoundly
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Secondly
,
population
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the population
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 in rich
countries
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 are less
practicing
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practising
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 sports or they have a sedentary lifestyle,
comparing
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compared
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 with
people
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 from poor
countries
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 that live a hard life and work in some professional that need physical power like construction. As a
results
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result
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 of that the proportion of obesity is very high in developed
countries
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. Nowadays, after
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coronavirus
coronavuris
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,coronavuris
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 most
people
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 in rich
countries
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 are working remotely and spend more time sitting at home without any
exercises
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exercise
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. in conclusion,the
precentage
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percentage
 of
obisity
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obesity
 has
been
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apply
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increased and
this
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 is one of
biggest
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the biggest
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 problems faced by developed
countries
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 at the present time, in my
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 To curb
this
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 problem,
people
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 need to make self-aware and with the help of
government
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the government
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, local organizations should step forward and educate society more about its bad effects.
Submitted by youssef.chamekh98 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • prevalence
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • calorie intake
  • nutrition
  • balanced diet
  • economic factors
  • caloric intake
  • marketing strategies
  • genetically predisposed
  • metabolic rates
  • physical activity
What to do next:
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