IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Science tells us about the activities which are good for our health and others which are bad. Millions of people all over the world know this and still do unhealthy activity. Why do you think this is and what can be done to change it? Write at least 150 words.

#science #activities #health #millions #people #world #activity #change
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In
this
 modern world, day by day, scientists invent new information about diseases, our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
, good and bad effects of our daily routines. Though these innovations are very valuable for our lives,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of the human-beings neglect these novel ideas which have been proved by
observing
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observation
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. I suppose that, why people don’t pay
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these healthcare improvements and, what are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
changes, we must do to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy activities.
Firstly
, nowadays, people follow their unlimited goal achievement except caring about their physical and fitness. For an instance, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngsters
Add an article
the youngsters
show examples
 playing online games and engage
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 online
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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,
sometimes
Correct word choice
and sometimes
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 they skip their sleep
also
 by neglecting the
guidliness
Correct your spelling
guidelines
 of healthcare providers.
However
, scientists indicate that eight hours
sleep
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of sleep
show examples
 is
essential
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an essential
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 part of our lives to grow and give a break in our system,
otherwise
 the whole system will break up. Not only that but
also
 most
of
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apply
show examples
people
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the people
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 who live in developing countries suffer from poverty,
lack
Correct word choice
and lack
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
quality food
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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eat and fresh water for drinking. So, they may drop
down
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apply
show examples
their meals or
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 junk food though they know it
cause
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causes
show examples
for
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apply
show examples
non spreading
Add a hyphen
non-spreading
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 diseases
such
 as obesity, gastritis, cancer, etc.
On the other hand
, there are so many things to change
this bad manners
Change the determiner
these bad manners
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 which damage
for
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apply
show examples
us by developing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientifical ideas among every individual.
Moreover
, we can use online platforms to spread these ideas among teenagers.
First
 of all, government and technical experts must work together
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
promote
Change the verb form
promoting
show examples
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 lifestyle. To sum up, every person had
equal
Add an article
an equal
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 responsibility to take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 themselves and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others by adding good behaviours and health practices to
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 lives.
Submitted by kavindianjalee on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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