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Band 4.5

Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #technology #effects #relationships
Some
people
 believe that having some
disadvantage
Replace the word
disadvantageous
show examples
 influence on social
relationships
 is modern communication technology. I do not agree with the idea because
relationships
 involved many parts of life. In my opinion, I think it is not necessary to get a negative impact to involve modern intelligence. We have already lived in the modern conversation technology in our generation which means every day we get different influences from the brunch of social news.
However
, it contains not only benefits impact but disadvantages effects. On one hand,
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 start to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 with social media because it is always around,
for example
, Facebook, Whatsapp, line... etc.
People
 follow each friend or influencer to get to know their social life.
Therefore
, it is good for
people
 to have the motivation on studying and encourage themselves for living.
On the other hand
, it is
also
 dangerous for young children to use social media or
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 online games which makes them know many crimes,
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 get into trouble afterwards.
Although
 those bad effects make
people
 learn lessons, it should be avoided if the adults can regard the children and educate them
some
Change preposition
on some
show examples
 knowledge to protect themselves. In conclusion, because the economy has increased
recent
Change preposition
in recent
show examples
 decades, we've already used modern communication technology every day. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more and more different platforms are created every day. Different social media have cons and downs but we can choose how to react to the effects of social
relationships
. It is not necessary to get bad impacts.
People
also
 get lots of happiness from social
relationships
 to move on from their difficulties.
Submitted by zoe20130402 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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