Some people believe that teaching music in schools is a vital part of growing up and human experience whilst others believe that teaching music in schools is a waste of time and resources

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The
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is now facing huge environmental issues, climate change and the disappearing of flora and fauna around the globe is an alarming
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems

It seems that problem may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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that must be solved. Unfortunately, the main
responsible
Replace the word
responsibilities

The word responsible doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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are human beings, we took over the
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
through
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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industrialization and haunting
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject cause. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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the cause why the
earth is
Correct your spelling
earth's

The word is doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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suffering like no other time.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, we owe the earth the difficult task of
make
Change the verb form
making

The verb make may be in the wrong form after the preposition of. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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some changes in order to improve the life of the animals and increase their population again.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

some people believe the responsibility to make changes must be put on big companies and corporations, the reality is that every individual human can help to minimise the impact of humans over the
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, with simple actions like recycling.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

simple action allows bottles and cans to be
re-used
Correct your spelling
reused

The word re-used doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, reducing the production of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

plastic material, which is harmful and incredibly poisonous for the earth,
moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the decomposition of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

material can take up to 200 years,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Correct pronoun usage
which

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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can result in
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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damage
of
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the environment. It is an undeniable fact that most efforts should
be focus
Change the verb form
be focused
be focusing

It appears that the form of the verb focus does not work with be in this sentence.

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on the big companies, these are responsible for most of the pollution produced worldwide,
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a solution might fine with a considerably high amount of money to those companies whose factories produce
vast
Add an article
a vast

The noun phrase vast quantity seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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quantity
Fix the agreement mistake
quantities

It seems that quantity may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of polluted substances. To sum up, high environmental issues are a reality and we as the main culprit of these problems face the responsibility to make the proper changes in our way of living to optimise the life of animals and plants of our
world
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, as well as reduce greenhouses gases and increase the number of fauna.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental
  • instilling
  • discipline
  • team work
  • emotional intelligence
  • stress relief
  • well-rounded
  • allocated
  • STEM subjects
  • practical
  • job market
  • detract
  • core subjects
  • enhance
  • cognitive functions
  • curriculum
  • vital
  • enriching
What to do next:
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