Some people believe that teaching music in schools is a vital part of growing up and human experience whilst others believe that teaching music in schools is a waste of time and resources

The
world
is now facing huge environmental issues, climate change and the disappearing of flora and fauna around the globe is an alarming
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
that must be solved. Unfortunately, the main
responsible
Replace the word
responsibilities
show examples
are human beings, we took over the
world
and
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
industrialization and haunting
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the cause why the
earth is
Correct your spelling
earth's
show examples
suffering like no other time.
Thus
, we owe the earth the difficult task of
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
some changes in order to improve the life of the animals and increase their population again.
Although
some people believe the responsibility to make changes must be put on big companies and corporations, the reality is that every individual human can help to minimise the impact of humans over the
world
, with simple actions like recycling.
This
simple action allows bottles and cans to be
re-used
Correct your spelling
reused
show examples
, reducing the production of
this
plastic material, which is harmful and incredibly poisonous for the earth,
moreover
, the decomposition of
this
material can take up to 200 years,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
can result in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
damage
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the environment. It is an undeniable fact that most efforts should
be focus
Change the verb form
be focused
be focusing
show examples
on the big companies, these are responsible for most of the pollution produced worldwide,
therefore
a solution might fine with a considerably high amount of money to those companies whose factories produce
vast
Add an article
a vast
show examples
quantity
Fix the agreement mistake
quantities
show examples
of polluted substances. To sum up, high environmental issues are a reality and we as the main culprit of these problems face the responsibility to make the proper changes in our way of living to optimise the life of animals and plants of our
world
, as well as reduce greenhouses gases and increase the number of fauna.
Submitted by Davidf_moreno on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental
  • instilling
  • discipline
  • team work
  • emotional intelligence
  • stress relief
  • well-rounded
  • allocated
  • STEM subjects
  • practical
  • job market
  • detract
  • core subjects
  • enhance
  • cognitive functions
  • curriculum
  • vital
  • enriching
What to do next:
Look at other essays: