IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do you think the advantage of this outweigh the disadvantage?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #advantage #outweigh
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Nowadays, there are some countries where the
number
Use synonyms
 of youth adults
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 larger than
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue that the advantage of
this
Linking Words
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
show examples
 the drawbacks. On the one hand, thanks to the large youth
population
Use synonyms
, the average amount of duty is
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
. Almost all
people
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, especially working persons have to pay a tax, which is not only for social
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 for
Correct article usage
the elderlys'
show examples
elderlys'
Change noun form
elderly's
show examples
 pension and medical expenses. If the proportion of young
people
Use synonyms
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
, these cost per person will fall, and the burden
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 will become
ligther
Correct your spelling
lighter
. In the case of Japan,
for example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
 account for 30% of the Japanese
population
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, which causes a social problem that many young
people
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 do not afford to live
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their salary because of a heavier tax.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the incline of
Use synonyms
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of young
people
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 might occur severe job
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 youth. Even though the
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 rises, it does not mean that the
number
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 of job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 rises. Young
people
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 have to fight to get the working opportunity, and
these competition
Change the determiner
this competition
show examples
 would become more
severely
Replace the word
severe
show examples
. In developed countries, because of the explosion of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
citizen's
Change noun form
citizen
show examples
population
Use synonyms
, the proportion of person who lives with insufficient wage is
dramaticall
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 increasing.
However
Linking Words
, these On valance, I suppose that the merit of the larger
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of young
people
Use synonyms
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
show examples
 than
negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
show examples
 point.
Submitted by t.watpot216 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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