IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Obesity
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 is the main
health
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 problem
that is
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 very crucial for
children
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 because it cannot be recovered 100%. The communities believe that the government has become to manage and
control
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 the rise in
obesity
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 in
children
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. In my opinion, I slightly agree with
this
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 mindset.
This
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 essay will represent the solution that authorities can select for the
number
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 of young's
obesity
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 reduction.
Firstly
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, they need to force products that are related to
health
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 issues impacts
such
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 as candy and chocolate. These days,
sugar
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 products are easily accessible to a child by using cartoon characters for advertisement, or for sale at lower prices that are comfortable for kids to buy them.
This
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 is the responsibility of the majority to
control
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 the
sugar
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 price by increasing some taxes to make it more expensive for
children
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 to buy it.
In addition
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, they have to establish some legal that can
control
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 total
sugar
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product
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 consumption.
For example
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, if the laws are related to
control
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 each family cannot buy
sugar
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 more than 5 Kg of each day,
This
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 contribution will reduce total
sugar
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product
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 sale because each family need to neglect some unnecessary
product
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 which has the opportunity to be candies or chocolates.
Thus
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, legal and financial solutions can become alternative ways that have indirectly affected younger people.
In addition
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, public
health
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 must concern about the total
number
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 of
sugar
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 in each piece
product
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. The government has to distinguish products that have
sugar
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 more than the body needs in a day.
Although
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 there are some countries selected to use
this
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 method to decrease young
obesity
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 patients, the result becomes unsuccessful because of uncontinuous
control
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. Authority should send some scientific staff to each
sugar
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product
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 factory to recheck whether
sugar
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 levels are under
control
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 or not,
for instance
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.
Therefore
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, laboratory testing can directly affect a
number
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 of these
health
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 issues in
children
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 taking a nosedive. In conclusion,
obesity
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 is a major
health
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 issue around the world.
This
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 essay represents the option for the government to
control
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 the
number
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 of young patients based on
obesity
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.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
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