IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that charities should held people in need no matter where those people are in the world. Others feel that these organizations should only serve the people living in the country where they are based.Discuss both sides and give your own view.

#people #charities #matter #world #organizations #country
These days ,
non governmental
Add a hyphen
non-governmental
show examples
organisations
 play a major role when
assistant
Replace the word
assisting
show examples
 poor
people
 globally. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 have different views regarding
this
 matter,while some think
charities
 should launch their activities throughout the world others feel those should focus
local
Change preposition
on local
show examples
 citizens where
charities
 are based .In the following paragraphs ,I intend to discuss both viewpoints and suggest my own view.
Firstly
,most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the non
show examples
non profit
Add a hyphen
non-profit
show examples
organisations
 are based
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 developed countries,
such
 as USA,UK and Sweden etc. Local citizens in those countries rarely require assistance as they are economically more stable.But
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of
people
 in poor regions don't get adequate income to fulfil their needs.They always depend on funds
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
received from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and other helping institutions.
For example
 in India majority don't have proper sanitary facilities. Government alone can not tackle the issue and need assistance from
charities
.
This
 example
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 evidence to prove
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
non governmental
Add a hyphen
non-governmental
show examples
organisations
 may help
people
 globally.
Secondly
,Only by helping local citizens
charities
 can't gain satisfaction because there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not much to do .Most of these organizations need
satisfaction
Correct article usage
the satisfaction
show examples
 of helping others rather than popularity. To accomplish
this
 target ,they should help
people
 in various situations.Due to that
non profit
Add a hyphen
non-profit
show examples
institutions are
willing
Correct quantifier usage
more willing
show examples
 to help globally than locally. To sum up ,it is better to establish
charities
 on
global
Add an article
a global
show examples
 basis rather than locally. According to my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 those
organisations
 should be placed to help local
people
 and the international.
Submitted by nayomiathukorala40 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: