IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that watching TV causes weight problems in children. Do you agree with this view? What solution you can suggest to tackle children’s weight problem?

#people #tv #weight #children #children’s
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Many people find the cause of children’s obesity in watching Tv. I think that watching
television
 is not the primary cause of the
weight
 problems of kids, but can be an issue if there is overtime in staring at it. In
this
 essay, I will give more detail on how extent I agree or disagree with
this
 affirmation and I will look for some solution to weigh the matter.
To begin
 with, I think the problem is not just merely watching the
television
, but the overtime passed on it. In fact, if a child pass too many hours in front of a technological dispositive, he will not have time to spend
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 activities that could stimulate his metabolism. Nowadays, it is not rare to find kids of 4-5 years who already know how to use proper
technology
Replace the word
technique
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,
this
 happens because more often parents leave them staring at the machinery, to have some more time for themselves.
Besides
, I think that another reason why child gains
weight
 is the constant presence of fast food on the territory. Eating there is faster,
therefore
 in a daily routine where we are all busy with jobs and other activities, lead
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 to eat there,
instead
 of thinking of a salutary diet, causing
weight
 issue,
such
 as obesity. So, I can say that I agree
on
Change preposition
with
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 that statement, which say that watching
television
 bring
weight
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
, but I can not totally agree because it is not the only reason. Finding a solution, I can suggest
to teach
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teaching
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 to
child
Add an article
the child
a child
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 to
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
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 salutary and having some
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
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 different from just using machinery and watching
television
,
such
 as make sport,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
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 swimming.
Furthermore
, I believe that even the government should address
this
 issue, prompt more activities on the territory,
such
 as group games and limit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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eating at fast food under a certain age. To conclude, I’m firmly convinced that
bot
Correct your spelling
both
show examples
 parents and government act
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
regulate
Change the verb form
regulating
show examples
 gain
weight
, kids could be healthier.
Submitted by frinfri93 on

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