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Band 5.5

In some part of the world, women are not allowed to vote. What is your opinion about this ?

#part #world #women #vote
Females are not permitted to take
part
 in voting in some countries across the globe. I argue that
this
 is discrimination and in my opinion, they should be free to exercise their franchise.
This
 essay shall look at how
women
 play a vital role in any nation and how they are the more vulnerable in our society. Which is why their vote should count. The female folk occupies a crucial place in every
part
 of the world, as
such
 , should be allowed to be
part
 of the
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 in electing leaders who will
precide
Correct your spelling
preside
precede
 over them as
part
 of the general public. If
women
 are not included in elections, they begin to feel unimportant and
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 interest in the system they found themselves. Resulting in a failed existence and disharmony.
For instance
, in places where
women
 are disregarded, they tend to revolt against the people and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 government.
Hence
, not giving ladies room to execute their franchise would mean a disordered leadership.
In addition
, the females represent the more endangered group
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to men. They are the ones who face more oppression, opposition and violence. Making them have a place in selecting who leads them and who should not gives them the opportunity to
excape
Correct your spelling
escape
 all the negative forces directed towards them.
For example
, when people vote in an election, they choose leaders who would favour them and
also
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 them able to
except
Correct your spelling
accept
show examples
 the
reponsibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 if their action fails.
Therefore
, including a woman in the electoral
Fix the agreement mistake
system
show examples
systems
Fix the agreement mistake
system
show examples
 may help
Correct your spelling
curb
show examples
cub
Correct your spelling
curb
show examples
 their vulnerability. In conclusion,
although
 many places exclude
women
 from electing leaders in many parts of the world.
However
,
women
's significance in communities and being at more risk, they should be encouraged to participate in voting.
Submitted by edikealpacino93 on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic and provides supporting details and examples. Develop your ideas further to enhance the completeness of your response.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow and coherence of your essay. Additionally, consider providing a stronger connection between your introduction and conclusion.
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