IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some part of the world, women are not allowed to vote. What is your opinion about this ?

#part #world #women #vote
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Females are not permitted to take
part
Use synonyms
 in voting in some countries across the globe. I argue that
this
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 is discrimination and in my opinion, they should be free to exercise their franchise.
This
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 essay shall look at how
women
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in any nation and how they are the more vulnerable in our society. Which is why their vote should count. The female folk occupies a crucial place in every
part
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 of the world, as
such
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 , should be allowed to be
part
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 of the
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
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 in electing leaders who will
precide
Correct your spelling
preside
precede
 over them as
part
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 of the general public. If
women
Use synonyms
 are not included in elections, they begin to feel unimportant and
loss
Replace the word
lose
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 interest in the system they found themselves. Resulting in a failed existence and disharmony.
For instance
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, in places where
women
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 are disregarded, they tend to revolt against the people and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 government.
Hence
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, not giving ladies room to execute their franchise would mean a disordered leadership.
In addition
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, the females represent the more endangered group
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to men. They are the ones who face more oppression, opposition and violence. Making them have a place in selecting who leads them and who should not gives them the opportunity to
excape
Correct your spelling
escape
 all the negative forces directed towards them.
For example
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, when people vote in an election, they choose leaders who would favour them and
also
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makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 them able to
except
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accept
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 the
reponsibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 if their action fails.
Therefore
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, including a woman in the electoral
Fix the agreement mistake
system
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systems
Fix the agreement mistake
system
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 may help
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curb
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cub
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curb
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 their vulnerability. In conclusion,
although
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 many places exclude
women
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 from electing leaders in many parts of the world.
However
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,
women
Use synonyms
's significance in communities and being at more risk, they should be encouraged to participate in voting.
Submitted by edikealpacino93 on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic and provides supporting details and examples. Develop your ideas further to enhance the completeness of your response.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow and coherence of your essay. Additionally, consider providing a stronger connection between your introduction and conclusion.
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