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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #people #work #age
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Elder people have
allowed
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been allowed
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workingwork
Correct your spelling
working work
 in many countries at any
age
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. While there are negative consequences of
this
Linking Words
 notion, I would argue that these are outweighed by the advantages as it is good for old ones' mental health. On the one hand, the main
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
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 of old people working at any
age
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 that they are more likely to be mentally healthier at jobs
instead
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 of staying at home without doing anything productive.
In other words
Linking Words
, they might feel isolated at home but in the workplace when they interact with other employees which no doubt keep them away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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loneliness.
For instance
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, nowadays due to busy
work
Use synonyms
life
Add a comma
,life
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 young individuals are devoting less time to old ones which lead to affect their mental health somehow.
Thus
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, if elder citizens indulge themselves in
work
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, they not only feel happy and satisfied but
also
Linking Words
 they can contribute to society in
such
Linking Words
 old
age
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 by earning money and paying taxes.
On the other hand
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, it is undeniable that the processing ability of elderly individuals has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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declined with time and
also
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 they lose the ability to think innovative. To elaborate, with the advancement of technology, they might learn new techniques and new systems to operate but sometimes they can not process all of these due to weak memory and their speed of learning tend to become slow.
As a result
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, it hinders the company's growth and performance. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are various negative aspects of not limiting the
age
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 for
work
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as the processing ability which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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steadily
decline
Correct subject-verb agreement
declines
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 with time and less acceptance
to
Change preposition
of
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 new technologies, the merits outweigh the disadvantages due to the mental happiness which old ones get from job and their contribution to the society if the government allows them to
work
Use synonyms
 at any
age
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by priyankagill824 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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