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Band 4.5

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organization #life #organizations
The working environment is different from one workplace to another. Is working in the same job location preferable more than working in a different place or the opposite is more chosen? I opine that working with the same
organization
 has various advantages in terms of habituated persons and location, and more comfortable for psychological health. Working in the same area has many benefits, first of all, no need to make new friends and recognise other people and take a long time to know their working methods and their thought, another important reason I think it is better for psychological health , as there is no need to keep in stress and bother to show your skills and abilities in providing high-quality performance and products,
for example
, recently I moved to a new
organization
 for two months I couldn’t sleep because of continuous thinking whom can I deal with new persons and a new manager and how will they know my skills comparing with old colleges. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, we can’t ignore the bones of working in another workplace
also
. Not
just
Rephrase
only
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 gives opportunities for individuals to learn new things and skills but
also
 creates a chance to get a better promotion or even higher salary,
nevertheless
 the possibility to get a better job position as well .
As the
Correct word choice
The
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 situation happened with my friend who has spent 7 years of her life in the same
organization
 without any promotion or increases the salary which reflected in her quality
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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.
To sum up
, life is shorter than bothering
on changing
Change preposition
to change
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 our habituated things and people from one workplace to another, so staying with the same
organization
 is considered preferable and has more advantages from the health side.
Submitted by essraahamdan on

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Task Achievement
Your essay shows some understanding of the topic, but it lacks a clear and comprehensive development of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is weak, and the introduction and conclusion are underdeveloped.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • stability
  • loyalty
  • seniority
  • job satisfaction
  • rapidly changing job market
  • adapt to
  • work culture
  • career progression
  • network
  • diversity of experience
  • adaptability
  • career aspirations
  • dynamic nature
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