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Band 4

Some school leavers choose to travel or work for a year before going to university. What might be the reasons for this? What are the disadvantages of this practice

#school #leavers #travel #work #year #university #practice
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School
Use synonyms
 is a long journey that the local community
individual’s
Change the noun form
individuals
individual
show examples
 should go through
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 childhood
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
toward
adolescent
Replace the word
adolescence
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I’m going to answer two questions,
first
Linking Words
 what makes
school
Use synonyms
 leavers avoid studying in the
first
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 after graduation from
school
Use synonyms
 and what
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 action
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Although
Linking Words
school
Use synonyms
 is necessary for kids and they should move through it because it teaches them a lot of things socially and academically, it
also
Linking Words
 gives them
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
 of safeness and
clear
Add an article
a clear
show examples
 plan, so at the
school
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period
Add a comma
,period
show examples
 they are just focusing on their study
year
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 and not what should be done after that in order to build their future. Once
school
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 is finished students got shocked that they should start to provide
money
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 for themselves and no one will
does
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do
show examples
 that for them.
Therefore
Linking Words
 some of them
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
that he has to work to gain enough
money
Use synonyms
 so
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
allows
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to join
university
Use synonyms
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 some already have enough
money
Use synonyms
 from their parents so they decide to travel for a
year
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 to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
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 country
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
where they can learn
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 language or find
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 job which
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 enough
money
Use synonyms
 to study
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
degree. The
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
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 of delaying
university
Use synonyms
 application for one
year
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 is depending on the person’s motivation, passion and desire to learn.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 practice can affect the person’s well to learn, it may
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 difficult to study after one
year
Use synonyms
 of rest from studying.
Moreover
Linking Words
, working allow you to get
money
Use synonyms
 whereas in studying you have to pay. In my opinion
this
Linking Words
 issue
sufficient
Add a missing verb
is sufficient
show examples
 to make the students lazy and
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 them to avoid their
continue
Replace the word
continued
show examples
 education. To conclude, Taking a rest from
university
Use synonyms
 for a
year
Use synonyms
 for traveling or
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 can be necessary for some people to join
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 but
this
Linking Words
 action
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 drawbacks which might affect the
students
Change noun form
student's
students'
show examples
 desire to learn.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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