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Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #health #people
It is often argued
that is
 more advantageous to increase the price of an unhealthy processed stock that has much carbohydrate content in the product, and
therefore
 a lot of
people
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 diseases. I completely agree with
this
 opinion and think that sugary
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 should be made expensive to decrease
people
 to consume less
sugar
.
First
 of all, our
body
 has
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
portion
Fix the agreement mistake
portions
show examples
 to use
sugar
.
Everyday
Replace the word
Every day
show examples
 we are just allowed to consume about 2
spoon
Change to a plural noun
spoons
show examples
. Consuming plenty of sugary products for years,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
brings bad
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
such
 as
diabetes
. Because
diabetes
 makes
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
get unexplained weight loss
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
at the
first
 we feel
confuse
Change the verb form
confused
show examples
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
 happen to our
body
 until
doctor
Add an article
a doctor
show examples
 diagnoses that we get
diabetes
.
In other words
,
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
diabetes
 insufficient insulin prevents the
body
 from getting glucose from the
blood’s
Change noun form
blood
show examples
 cells to use
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
energy.
This
 is why it is
imporant
Correct your spelling
important
 to encourage
people
 to consume less
sugar
 for our health.
Secondly
, buying food and drink product that has
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 level of
sugar
 frequently,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes us
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a lot of money that acquire with hard work. Especially as the price getting more expensive, we need to spend much more money just
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 buy
unhealhty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
 things.
For instance
,
my self
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 always
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
 my saving
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
unhealthy
Add an article
the unhealthy
an unhealthy
show examples
 thing
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes me has
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 amount of saving.
Thus
, the advantage of
encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
show examples
 consume sugary products makes us a lot of saving
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end month. To include, I
strong
Replace the word
strongly
show examples
 agree with making pricey sugary products because that
beneficial
Add a missing verb
is beneficial
show examples
 for us to keep our health and save money for better future health.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
What to do next:
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