IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

DISCIPLINE IS AN INCREASING PROBLEM IN MODREN SCHOOL. SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT DISCIPLINE SHOULD BE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF TEACHERS,WHILE OTHER THINK THAT IS THE RPOLE OF PARENTS.

#discipline #modren #school #people #responsibility #teachers #rpole #parents
People always argue that
parents
 should be the ones to teach their
children
 well- manners, whereas others think it's the teacher's duty to emphasize these values in younger minds.
In addition
,
parents
 are more likely to attach to their
children
 emotionally and they provide unconditional affection to their kids.
On the other hand
,
teachers
 are trained and have unbiased attitudes towards students in their classroom and they can guide them to adopt moral values without any hindrance. I am going to cast some light on both views in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, I want to share the
parents
' side in-depth, I reckon that
parents
 are always their kid's
first
teachers
.
Moreover
, they play a vital role from the beginning to build the fundamental base for their to achieve success in their school.
However
, I
also
 believe that sometimes
children
 behave differently in school compared to in front of their
parents
.
For instance
, in my country,
children
 are most afraid of their fathers, because their upbringing teaches them to respect them.
Thus
,
parents
 can be uptight towards their kids.
Teachers
 are the guiding pillar of education and they have the ability or credibility to acquire their knowledge to youngsters' advantage.
Furthermore
, during the teacher's learning ,
period
Add an article
the period
a period
show examples
 they are grounded to mould adolescents' minds to prepare them for future challenges.
Thus
, their experience and learning provide guidance to
children
 to be disciplined
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and develop new skills and traits in school. To conclude, in the debate who is responsible to teach students discipline
teachers
 or the
parents
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Besides
, I think a teacher can use their tactics to handle and assist them to learn new values. In spite of that,
parents
 sometimes do not pay attention to their kid's unusual behaviour, because their eyes are covered with love and care for their
children
.
Therefore
,
teachers
 show neutral behaviour towards every kid and
also
, care for them.
Submitted by sandeepbhandal12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: