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Band 5

Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #technology #man
There is an opinion that
technology
 has helped
people
 to become more social. I believe that for certain types of
people
technology
 undoubtedly has opened new ways of socialization. But
also
 we have become dependent on modern
technology
, losing
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
 connections.
Technology
 has made us closer to each other nowadays.
People
 are all available by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
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. Men are using mobile messengers on a daily basis, chatting with other
people
. It is incredible how you can be in touch with someone on the other side of the planet due to
technology
. There are different social media and platforms on the Internet, everybody can choose
people
Correct article usage
the people
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you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want to talk to. A lot of
people
 make
friends
 online,
for example
in
Change preposition
through
show examples
video-games
Correct your spelling
video games
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. The diversity of the ways of socialization modern
technology
 is offering, is helping
people
 to have more
friends
 than previous generations.
On the other hand
,
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
 connections started to devalue. It can be seen in real
life
 how a group of
friends
 glance at their
phones
 while they are spending time together. Almost everyone in the subway stares at their
phones
. Even couples go to bed with
phones
 in their hands.
Technology
 and smartphones
in particular
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 disrupting society, making us feel alone – interacting with our gadgets and not with each other. There is no need to keep
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
 connections with
friends
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because social media has created an illusion that everybody is close. Sometimes it could lead to addiction to
phones
. To sum up,
technology
 is offering amazing ways
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
 to become close together and has a huge influence on our lives.
Thus
, for a lot of
people
Add a comma
,people
show examples
 it is difficult to stop watching their
phones
 and start to live
real
Add an article
a real
the real
show examples
life
. It is very crucial for everybody to have
balance
Add an article
a balance
show examples
 between virtual and real
life
.
Submitted by klimnikova on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social interaction
  • connect
  • communicate
  • video conferencing
  • stay in touch
  • online communities
  • forums
  • like-minded individuals
  • global communication
  • collaboration
  • access to information
  • knowledge
  • bridge the gap
  • social isolation
  • detachment
  • face-to-face communication
  • genuine human connection
  • maintain
  • real-life interactions
  • balance
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