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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do you think the advantage of this outweigh the disadvantage?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #advantage #outweigh
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Nowadays, there are some countries where the
number
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 of youth adults is larger than
elderly
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the elderly
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. In my opinion, the benefits of the increase
of
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in
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 young
people
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's population outweigh the drawbacks because young
people
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 do not need to pay a higher tax. On the one hand, thanks to the large youthful
people
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, the amount of duty is decreasing. Almost all
people
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, especially working
person
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people
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 have to pay a tax, which is not only for social
service
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services
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,
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apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 for elder persons' medical expenses. If the proportion of young
people
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 increases, these
cost
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costs
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 per person will fall, and the burden on young
people
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 would become lighter. In the case of Japan,
for example
Linking Words
, older
people
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 account for 30% of Japanese, which cause a social problem that many young
people
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 do not afford to live
with
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on
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 their salary because of a heavier tax, which is used for elderly
service
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services
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,
such
Linking Words
 as medical fee, elderly care facilities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the incline of
proportion
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the proportion
a proportion
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 of young
people
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 might occur
sever
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severe
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 job
competitions
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competition
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. Even though the
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number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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population
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the population
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 rises, it does not mean that
number
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 of job opportunities rises. Young individuals have to fight to get a working opportunity, and these competitions would become more severe. In developed countries, because of the explosion of the
number
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 of young citizens, the proportion of person who lives with insufficient wage is dramatically increasing. On valance, I suppose that the merit of the larger
number
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 of young
people
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, which means the reduction of young
people
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's burden
outweigh
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outweighs
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 than negative points, which means the decrease
of
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in
show examples
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of job opportunities.
Submitted by t.watpot216 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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