IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #work #move #friends #families #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Seeking jobs sometimes puts people in a dilemma situation in whom has to prioritize between their career or their prior social circles like
friends
Use synonyms
 or family members. Each has a downside
as well as
Linking Words
 an upside relatively depending on the culture anyone lives in. From my perspective,
however
Linking Words
, separating from close
friends
Use synonyms
 or even families for a
such
Linking Words
 critical reason is more beneficial than
otherwise
Linking Words
. To illustrate how we can take advantage by keeping a distance from our previous network, there is a wise man who once said that many great people have already wandered about for
work
Use synonyms
. The fourth President of Indonesia Abdurrahman Wahid,
for instance
Linking Words
, had been liberated from his own family and some
friends
Use synonyms
 since high school in Yogyakarta until his bachelor's journey in Egypt and Baghdad. By doing so, Mr. Wahid could have more free will and focus on developing his knowledge and doing
work
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, moving away from families and close
friends
Use synonyms
 is painful occasionally in which we, as humans, yearn for them. Yet, in the modern age with some technological advances, people around the world now can still keep in touch by social media platforms. No matter how far the place we stay to find or do
work
Use synonyms
, we remain
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
able to engage with our previous networks.
Hence
Linking Words
, the distance issues, in my opinion, tend to be easy to solve with technology.
While
Linking Words
 someone yet
communicates
Correct subject-verb agreement
communicate
show examples
 with their families,
for example
Linking Words
, at the same time they can still be focused on the
work
Use synonyms
 they are conducting or looking for.
Submitted by anwarkur20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your main points. For instance, explain 'cultural factors' more explicitly.
task achievement
Ensure to address both advantages and disadvantages equally for a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the connection between your points and the central argument. It helps the reader follow your logic more easily.
task achievement
The essay makes use of a real-world example (Abdurrahman Wahid) to support a point.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and outlines the dilemma faced by individuals seeking work.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: