IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many family moves to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#moves #countries #people #children #benefit #families #move #country
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Nowadays, the world is interconnected more than ever before.
As a result
Linking Words
, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 are migrating to another
country
Use synonyms
 as a means to get a better life condition.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 might be true, some
people
Use synonyms
 think the children would find it difficult to adjust
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 life in their new
country
Use synonyms
. I will explore the different arguments from both views and draw
Add an article
a conclusion
the conclusion
show examples
conclusion
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusions
show examples
 from there.
Until now
Change preposition
Now
show examples
, there are two main reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 are migrating to another
country
Use synonyms
.
First
Linking Words
, they are fleeing from an ongoing conflict to seek refuge in a safer
country
Use synonyms
.
Second
Linking Words
, they are trying to find better opportunities in a more developed
country
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as better
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and education.
The example
Correct article usage
Example
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 of these cases are
people
Use synonyms
 that are migrating from central
american
Change the capitalization
American
show examples
 countries to
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, or the refugees of the Russia-Ukraine war to nearby countries
such
Linking Words
 as Poland or Germany. In a more stable
country
Use synonyms
, they can live a better life by getting educated and
assimilate
Wrong verb form
assimilating
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
However
Linking Words
, it’s important to note that moving
hundred
Correct your spelling
hundreds
show examples
 of miles to a different
country
Use synonyms
 is challenging. The reason
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 the different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and
climate
Fix the agreement mistake
climates
show examples
 they have to adjust to.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 from
middle
Add an article
the middle
show examples
 east that spoke
arabic
Change the capitalization
Arabic
show examples
 should learn
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 or even german to be accepted in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. For the kids, it’s especially harder because they
also
Linking Words
 lost their friends and families. Another problem they might experience is being the target of bullying.
This
Linking Words
 is especially common to
Add an article
the minority
a minority
show examples
minority
Fix the agreement mistake
minorities
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 that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 physical or cultural
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
than
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the majority of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. In the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
 it
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on the condition that would be different from family to family. If they are in a grave situation
then
Linking Words
 it might be worth it to migrate to a safer
country
Use synonyms
. As compared
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that, difficulty in adjusting to the new environment is pale in comparison.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I have to agree that migrating would give many
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 to the family doing so.
Submitted by ftm.zahroh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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