Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. What is the cause of this? What can be done?

Choice
Correct article usage
The choice
show examples
of
activities
by individuals has always been a debatable issue;
however
few common studies have distinguished the difference between suitable and inappropriate
activities
that should be done by
people
.
Modern
Add an article
The modern
show examples
world often influences everyone to adapt to
activities
which have ill effects on health, but somehow
activities
like utilization of the
internet
and social media are irresistible. I believe making a wise choice and having self-control
of
Change preposition
over
show examples
a strict routine might change the
ever growing
Add a hyphen
ever-growing
show examples
trend of choosing unhealthy
activities
. According to my view, the wide variety of choices available on the
internet
through social media, OTT platforms and YouTube channels has made a huge shift in the common choice of
activities
among masses over healthy and creative
activities
like exercising or painting etc. Everyone wants to feel relaxed and entertained during their leisure hours. The
Internet
not only provides various genres to watch movies and videos but
also
provides online chatting apps to engage users for a couple of hours. Of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
people
who sit
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
one place for
longer
Replace the word
long
show examples
hours in the same posture gazing at the screen of their devices tend to forget the
side-effects
Correct your spelling
side effects
show examples
of getting obese as well as blurred vision.
Thus
, attractive features of the
internet
compel individuals to opt for unhealthy
activities
even after knowing the drawbacks. A quick solution to encourage
people
to choose healthy and productive
activities
would be to spread awareness for the benefits of adapting outdoor
activities
like playing sports, exercising or
mediating
Correct your spelling
meditating
show examples
.
Definitely
Add a comma
,Definitely
show examples
a balance between mental and physical health can be maintained as one will feel more energetic
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
different body movements and at the same time one tends to forget all anxiety and stress issues. A different environment of parks and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
brings changes to the mood and surrounding which definitely makes the
activities
more interesting. In
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
adapting
Correct your spelling
adopting
show examples
productive
activities
will involve interaction with other like-minded
people
simultaneously greater number of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
likely to choose healthy alternate
activities
To conclude, individual choices for
activities
can not be obligated under any given circumstances, though it is essential to choose healthy
activities
to stay away from any kind of drawbacks.
Submitted by jaspreetramgarhia901 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: