Money is important in most people's lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life?

#money #people #lives #right #factors #life

In the modernized world, numerous things play a crucial role in every individual's

life

, and one of them is

cash

Consequently

, some

people

believe that

money

is the only thing that everyone needs to spend a quality

life

. So, in the upcoming, segments I will discuss what are the correct uses of

cash

from my viewpoint as well as what are some vital things needed for a good

life

Firstly

money

can be beneficial for

people

who want to attain extreme knowledge.

For instance

, a person can learn numerous subjects his

her like the hindrance of

cash

such

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

as aerodynamics, machine learning as well as artificial intelligence.

Secondly

, anyone who has a hunger for learning about a vast variety of projects

such

as anyone who wants to become a doctor or a scientist but without ,

cash

Add an article

the cash

show examples

she cannot learn anything at all and sit at home with what they have.

Therefore

cash

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

vital thing to achieving a milestone by gaining a wide variety of knowledge.

Furthermore

cash

can help individuals relieve the stress

which

Correct word choice

that

show examples

they have borne from

workload

Correct pronoun usage

their workload

show examples

For example

people

can go to an amusement park and try various activities

such

as roller coasters by which they will forget about all the office work, which can only be possible through

money

Also

, going to a foreign country can help

people

rejuvenate themselves which needs an ample amount of

money

for travelling, food as well as accommodation.

Thus

money

can be used to help individuals forget their daily routine as well as their stress. Now, discussing some other factors is vital for an excellent

life

first

and foremost, staying healthy as well as spending quality time with family is much needed for a brilliant

life

Moreover

, if a person has millions of

cash

in his

her bank account but even he

she cannot eat a single chocolate because they are suffering from a disease named diabetes, so, health is a factor which cannot be neglected as compared to wealth.

In addition

, any individual living alone from his

her family for

money

will feel depressed because he

she doesn't have anyone to talk to freely.

Hence

, health as well as family is crucial as compared to

money

. To conclude,

money

can provide help to any person who wants to gain knowledge as well as it can help individuals to relieve stress. But, health and family are the factors which cannot be neglected at all.

Submitted by harshil31099 on Wed Jan 18 2023

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

401 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Money is important in most people's lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

In many countries, more money is spent on transport system in the cities. In contrast, very little is spent in rural areas. What are the effects of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

People who live in busy cities are in many ways at a disadvantage to those who live in rural areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure a countries success, while others think that other factors can be used to measure a countries success. What are these Factors? Which do you think are most important?

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?