Parents should encourage children to spend less time on studying and more time on doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Parents
Use synonyms
are the first teacher and they always want the best for their children.
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Although some
Correct word choice
Some
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people argue that
parents
Use synonyms
should be supportive of their children and encourage them to pay more attention
on doing
Verb problem
to
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physical play
instead
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of studying. I will illustrate the reasons for
this
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statement in the following paragraphs and explain my disagreement.
Firstly
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, in today's fast-paced world, not only adults but adolescents find it difficult to spend a few minutes out of their hectic schedule to exercise or to play outside.
For example
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, in
this
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competitive era, juveniles are always studying and after school, they are
also
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attending
extra curriculum
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
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classes to achieve good grades in school so, they can
get
Verb problem
apply
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enrol in the best university and get a well-paid job in the future.
However
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, they are sacrificing their childhood.
On the other hand
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, guardians should inspire their kids to do physical exercise because obesity is one of the prominent health issues among teenagers.
Moreover
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, they should teach their loved ones to balance their studies and physical activities.
Hence
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,
this
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would help them to develop time-management skills.
Nonetheless
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, some people think that
parents
Use synonyms
should encourage their kids to spend more to
work
Wrong verb form
working
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out rather than studying.
For instance
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, if children start to pay more attention towards playing
then
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, maybe they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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not perform well in class. Because, education is the major important aspect of being successful, if we have knowledge about any topic we can easily achieve that goal.
To conclude
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, there are some pros and cons of spending more time playing physical games than acquiring knowledge.
Therefore
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,
parents
Use synonyms
should support their child's dream and motivate them to achieve that career in which they are confident and interested. After a thorough analysis of
this
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subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of
this
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statement over the positive impacts will be greater because
lastly
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the child's satisfaction matters.
Submitted by sandeepbhandal12 on

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task response
Your essay effectively presents a clear stance on the issue and provides comprehensive ideas. However, ensure that you fully address all aspects of the task question, taking into consideration opposing views and presenting a balanced argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates logical sequencing and adequate support for the main points. To improve coherence, ensure that the ideas and arguments are presented in a more organized manner with clear transitions between paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Development
  • Concentration
  • Obesity
  • Burnout
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Healthy lifestyle
  • Intellectual development
  • Structured activities
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Sedentary behavior
  • Tech addiction
  • Role models
  • Family bonds
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