IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Watching television is bad for children. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

#television #children #support #arguments #evidence
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Technological advancement has changed our lives significantly. Several entertainment sources are obtainable. Numerous toddlers spend many hours watching TV. I partially agree with the given statement because television has some positive impact on children. To commence with, television is an extremely good source of information. It
is providing
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 some essential knowledge which is acquired by adolescents. Videlicet, several study programs are accessible
such
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 as discovery, mathematics and geographical channels. They are trying to generate good stories for children and
also
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 make animations and
movies
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, a survey conducted by the
department
Capitalize word
Department
show examples
 of
education
Capitalize word
Education
show examples
 in the USA (United States of America) revealed that more than three-fifths of students can effortlessly acquire knowledge because audio-visual effects are learnable.
Thus
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, Small screens have many positive sides when youngsters
are used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 them in the correct way.
In addition
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, the fact cannot be denied that it has disadvantages as well.
Movies
Use synonyms
 are a vital part of an individual's life.
Therefore
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, many infants are easily influenced by these types of
movies
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, sometimes they
are using
Wrong verb form
use
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 bad words and consume drugs.
Nevertheless
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, these types of films are extremely popular in some territories. well-known natives are generating a
heft
Correct your spelling
huge
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 amount of money. Most of the time Bollywood makes
this
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 type of movie and actors are not thinking about the audience.
On the other hand
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, authority cannot take action on these commodities. They should outlaw
this
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 industry and parents should
be controlled
Wrong verb form
control
show examples
 their children to stop watching
movies
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, juveniles are straightforwardly influenced by bad
movies
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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, unquestionably, it has both advantages and disadvantages, but when residents are using the correct way. They can learn many things and acquire some contemporary information.
Submitted by lovishhhh on

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task response
Ensure that you fully address the prompt by clearly stating your position on whether watching television is bad for children. Provide more comprehensive evidence to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effective in framing the essay. Work on providing a clearer structure and stronger logical connections between paragraphs.
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