IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others, however, believe that government should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #diet #government #citizens
During the past decade,keeping
diet
 healthy has always been a
debateful
Correct your spelling
debate
 topic. Some people believe that individuals have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to take care of their own healthy
diet
, while others advocate that
government
 have obligation to reduce the consumption of
junk
food
. In
this
 essay, the opinions from both sides will be discussed.
To begin
 with, some citizens who support that everyone should care about their own
diet
 believe that adults should have enough self-control,
thus
 they are able to be responsible for their own decision.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
Additional
, every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 in
this
 world should have
free
Replace the word
freedom
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
will as long as their behaviour does not against
laws
Correct article usage
the laws
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, the opponents
indicates
Change the verb form
indicate
show examples
 that
Correct article usage
an unhealth
show examples
unhealth
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
diet
 may be
detremental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 to our society and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should take proper steps to
control
Correct pronoun usage
themcontrol
show examples
.
For instance
, the rates of some
diet related
Add a hyphen
diet-related
show examples
 diseases
such
 as obesity have dramatically increased during the past decade,
this
phenonmenon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 is
eording
Correct your spelling
eroding
recording
 our public health
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
. To prevent wasting
tax payers'
Correct your spelling
taxpayers'
show examples
 contribution,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should lower the consumption of
junk
food
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In my perspective, local
government
 should concern about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public health issue as every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 are part of
socity
Correct your spelling
society
.
Government
 should restrict
junk
food
 restaurants to stop publishing
Add an article
the advertisement
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 and that may reduce the desire of eating
junk
food
. By doing so,
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
diet
-related diseases may decline hopefully.
Submitted by nonam224 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: