IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others, however, believe that government should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #diet #government #citizens
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During the past decade,keeping
diet
Use synonyms
 healthy has always been a
debateful
Correct your spelling
debate
 topic. Some people believe that individuals have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to take care of their own healthy
diet
Use synonyms
, while others advocate that
government
Use synonyms
 have obligation to reduce the consumption of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the opinions from both sides will be discussed.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some citizens who support that everyone should care about their own
diet
Use synonyms
 believe that adults should have enough self-control,
thus
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 they are able to be responsible for their own decision.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
Additional
, every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 world should have
free
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freedom
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of
Change preposition
apply
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will as long as their behaviour does not against
laws
Correct article usage
the laws
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.
Nevertheless
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, the opponents
indicates
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indicate
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 that
Correct article usage
an unhealth
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unhealth
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
diet
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 may be
detremental
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detrimental
 to our society and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should take proper steps to
control
Correct pronoun usage
themcontrol
show examples
.
For instance
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, the rates of some
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diet related
Add a hyphen
diet-related
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 diseases
such
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 as obesity have dramatically increased during the past decade,
this
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phenonmenon
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phenomenon
 is
eording
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eroding
recording
 our public health
resource
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resources
show examples
. To prevent wasting
tax payers'
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taxpayers'
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 contribution,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 should lower the consumption of
junk
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food
Use synonyms
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In my perspective, local
government
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 should concern about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public health issue as every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 are part of
socity
Correct your spelling
society
.
Government
Use synonyms
 should restrict
junk
Use synonyms
food
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 restaurants to stop publishing
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the advertisement
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 and that may reduce the desire of eating
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
. By doing so,
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
diet
Use synonyms
-related diseases may decline hopefully.
Submitted by nonam224 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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