IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Over consumption sugar is unhealthy. Some people think that government should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility of sugar intake. What is your opinion on this?

#consumption #sugar #people #government #responsibility #control #individuals #intake
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It is argued that the
government
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for controlling the amount of citizens’
sugar
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 consumption because it is harmful to a person to consume too much
sugar
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, whereas some
people
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 think individuals should be aware of
responsibility
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by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I totally agree with the latter statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
sugar
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 is much safer than other addictive substances, like tobacco, drugs, and alcohol. Some
people
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 believe that
sugar
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 is like an addiction material, and it has the possibility to destroy human life by affecting their body as a bad influence,
such
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 as obesity. It is true, but compare with other addiction consuming, the number of
people
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 who became the victim of overconsuming
sugar
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 and the level of influence is much lower than any other expense.
For instance
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, there are enormous
people
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 who cannot stop to smoke, and even though they succeeded to stop tobacco, after two or three years, almost all
people
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 started
it
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apply
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again. Meanwhile, there are some substitute materials for
sugar
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, and many individuals can live without
sugar
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 even after being addicted to sweets.
Secondly
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, if the
government
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 decided to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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responsibility
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, it will become
as
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apply
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a waste of tax, and
people
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 will disagree with
this
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 action. As per the previous passage,
sugar
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 is not harmful as other materials, for which
government
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 should be responsible.
However
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, if
government
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 take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility
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, they should make some activities to prevent
people
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 from overconsuming
sugar
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.
For example
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,
to
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apply
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making regulations, researching, and constructing facilities, like a hospital. It is overaction compared to the effect of
sugar
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. In conclusion,
although
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 taking too much
sugar
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 is not healthy for human bodies, it is too overaction for
government
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 to take the
responsibility
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 for overtaking
sugar
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 and individuals should control it by themselves.
Submitted by t.watpot216 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overconsumption
  • regulations
  • implementation
  • public health campaigns
  • nutritional content
  • mandating
  • healthcare costs
  • proactive
  • mindful
  • labeling
  • balanced diet
  • sustainable
  • collaborative approach
  • regulations
  • imposing taxes
  • promoting healthier alternatives
  • personal choices
  • awareness
  • education
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