IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crimes prevention, while others believe that it is responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

#people #government #crimes #prevention #responsibility
In
this
 modern era,
people
 have differing views with regard to the question of who should be blamed for criminals' behaviours whether the government or society. In my opinion, both governments and
people
 can come together and promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communities security. In
this
 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
show examples
 I will bring two views closer . On the one hand, strict rules and punishments can certainly play a big role to stop crimes and drive societies to be safer.These penalties set by governments can act as deterrents for dangerous
people
 who may try
threaten
Fix the infinitive
to threaten
show examples
 individuals ,but they will be halted as they remember the negative consequences,
such
 as prison sentences, big fines, and job suspensions.The aim of these punishments is to show that
people
 who want to break
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
 certainly they will face those sentences.
On the other hand
, I believe that we can each as individuals make
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 contribution to
protect
Change the verb form
protecting
show examples
 our nations. It involves
people
 being more responsible and
alert
Change the verb form
alerts
show examples
 at the
first
, we must close our house doors , sit cameras in front of houses , and call the Police if we notice odd things around .Before ,that we have to educate our children properly,
teach
Correct word choice
and teach
show examples
 the ethics and morals that save our countries and move forward to the developed world. there are various types of educational courses that we all must attend to gain more knowledge to have safe communities . To sum up, while the government and local councils can reduce and prevent several crimes by investing in modern education and numerous aids,I believe that
however
, we can make these crimes less if we make a lot of offers.
Submitted by saeedra358 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!