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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today People are no longer active and fit as they use to be due to the nature of work nowadays, What are the causes of this? What solutions can you proffer

#people #nature #work
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Nowadays a number of
people
Use synonyms
 around the world do not active and exercise due to their work. When
people
Use synonyms
 do not exercise, they can be
overweighted
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overweight
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 easily and most
overweighted
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overweight
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people
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 face
obesity
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 soon as possible. Not only fat, but
obesity
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 can cause
another disease
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other diseases
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. The most disease that overweight
people
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 face is
diabetes
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.
Diabetes
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 causes a serious problem to our
health
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 and it leads to death if there is no medical treatment. According to research from
Dr.
Change the punctuation
Dr
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 Jane Doe,
professor
Correct article usage
a professor
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of
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at
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 London South Bank University, insists that 66% of
people
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 who suffer from
obesity
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also
Linking Words
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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diabetes
Use synonyms
.
Overweighted
Replace the word
Overweight
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people
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 should take care of their
health
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 to prevent
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
diabetes
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, less
exercising
Replace the word
exercise
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 can cause mental diseases like depression. From the research from
Dr.
Change the punctuation
Dr
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 John Doe and his colleagues
in
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at
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 Seoul National University, the main reason for mental diseases and depression is a lack of exercise and outdoor
activities
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, nowadays
children
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 do not enjoy outdoor
activities
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, like
a soccer
Remove the article
soccer
a game of soccer
show examples
 or hide-an-seek. Playing outside is most important to
children
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 because outdoor
activities
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 affect their mental and physical
health
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. Parents should take care of their sons and daughters to hang out with friends. Playing outside can make them more healthy and allow them to make
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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new friends. In conclusion, activating outside is important to well-being.
Also
Linking Words
, exercising outdoors allows
Change preposition
for to
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to prevent
Change the verb form
preventing
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a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
number of diseases, especially
obesity
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 and depression. Outdoor
activities
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 for
children
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 are most important to their mental and physical
health
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. Parents should take care of their
children
Use synonyms
 to hang out frequently.
Submitted by soominkim0618 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • inactive
  • fitness
  • workplace
  • technology-dependent
  • physical activity
  • fast-paced
  • stressful
  • unhealthy
  • eating habits
  • motivation
  • time constraints
What to do next:
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