IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other professions. Some people think it is fully justified while other think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is widely believed that renowned
sports
Use synonyms
 champions receive tremendous incomes than other
work
Use synonyms
 professions.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 feel that the decision is agreeable while a bunch of
people
Use synonyms
 firmly argue with the aforementioned thought. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will briefly elaborate
some
Change preposition
on some
show examples
 reasons
on
Change preposition
along
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar lines to justify my viewpoint. To embark with,
sports
Use synonyms
 figureheads play an incredible role in society.
In other words
Linking Words
, their intense hard
work
Use synonyms
 and dedication along with immense popularity and fame have put them into more moneyed
people
Use synonyms
 just like other distinguished celebrities. Despite the fact that
such
Linking Words
 a field is for a certain time limit and age and after that it would become impossible for them to continue with the field and receive these monetary benefits,
such
Linking Words
 a thought has led them to
work
Use synonyms
 even harder and attain more wealth and love by the society and individuals.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
 champions are indeed a true
Use synonyms
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 for other individuals. Unlike other occupations,
people
Use synonyms
 belonging to
sports
Use synonyms
 have served their entire life for the sake of their indigenous country by presenting their exceptional performances in order to maintain the pride of their nation.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 deserve to receive
such
Linking Words
 perks and are indeed the sole winners to earn more money than other
work
Use synonyms
fields
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 opine that every
work
Use synonyms
 field is crucial and so should be treated equally. To put it another way, the most reputable
fields
Use synonyms
 including highly qualified doctors, engineers and other respected
fields
Use synonyms
 have played a tremendous role in their
work
Use synonyms
 pace with their true sense of dedication and hard
work
Use synonyms
 which cannot be overlooked in any way and so
such
Linking Words
fields
Use synonyms
 should be provided with balance advantages just like
sports
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, Doctors are serving day and night for the quickest recovery of their patients, Engineers are building or constructing homes for us for a better living.
However
Linking Words
, if
such
Linking Words
 a thing is neglected,
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 may create an erroneous
example
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future youngsters and so the interest in
such
Linking Words
 professions may soon cease with time.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 an unfair act would rather be culminated to create a good
example
Use synonyms
 for the future generation. To sum up, there is no doubt that
sports
Use synonyms
 experts embrace a true sense of dedication and hard
work
Use synonyms
 in their
work
Use synonyms
fields
Use synonyms
 but the sincerity and day and night
work
Use synonyms
 of other occupations should not be neglected. In my opinion, every profession seems extremely indispensable and so should be provided with equal opportunities and immense money.
Submitted by jasminek03 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
What to do next:
Look at other essays: