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Writing Samples
Band 5

Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do ou think is that? Do you think that they should encouraged to do some other useful activities?

#favourite #pastime #people #ou #activities
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Shopping is one of the
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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pastime
Change to a plural noun
pastimes
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 for any individual these days. According to researchers, the younger generation
are
Change the verb form
is
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 inclined towards buying things than participating in other sports or useful activities. In my opinion, youth should use their free
time
Use synonyms
 more productively rather
just
Correct word choice
than just
show examples
 going to a mall or a shop
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 no reason. The reasons
for
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apply
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why they should be encouraged to use their leisure hours in useful ways will be discussed
further
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay. Almost everyone around the globe enjoys going to a shop and
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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 things. One reason, why the current young people love to spend their free schedule on purchasing is to avoid their
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
 as most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents these days are working
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 who fail to spend quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their families.
For example
Linking Words
, according to a study conducted by researchers
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Harvard University on
the
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apply
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younger
adults
Add a comma
,adults
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 it was proved that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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frequent shoppers are those who lack attention from their families or friends. So, these young people find their pastime through going to a mall or buying something online mainly to overcome their
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
. Shopping should only be limited to
useful
Replace the word
use
show examples
 purchasing and not for fun or
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
leisure activities. These free hours should be used wisely on productive
activties
Correct your spelling
activities
 that can be helpful for the physical and mental
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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 of a person.
For example
Linking Words
, the youth in Singapore were encouraged to utilize their spare
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
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 creating paintings for an orphanage
with
Change preposition
as
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 a token of appreciation for the best art and
this
Linking Words
 not only stopped them
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 spending their money but
also
Linking Words
 reduced their isolated feeling. So,
by
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apply
show examples
encouraging
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
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 generation to utilize their spare hours wisely can help them in getting over their sadness as well as evolve them to make new connections. So in conclusion, all the youth should be cheered to use their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 in a productive manner.
Submitted by varshar1612 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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