IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’ world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
Our society
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
 is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
first
Linking Words
 important school major.
other opinion
Change the wording
another opinion
other opinions
show examples
 that, recently.
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and
technology
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 many
campany
Correct your spelling
campaigns
 for
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 more than history.
Body · 1
firstly
Linking Words
, senior
hight
Correct your spelling
high
show examples
 school and university are different system
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
 where the campus must choose one subject
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics or
Tekhnik
Correct your spelling
Technik
 so it is different
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than in the school having
general
Correct article usage
a general
show examples
 major. in
addation
Correct your spelling
addition
, Many
company
Change to a plural noun
companies
show examples
 needs many
people
Use synonyms
where
Correct word choice
who
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have experience
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they will fast understand how
are
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
interaction
Replace the word
interacting
show examples
 with other
people
Use synonyms
.
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
freshgraduate
Correct your spelling
fresh graduate
fresh graduates
 have
Correct article usage
an oppotunity
show examples
oppotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 if
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 major
needing
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
 a company
for example
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
.
Body · 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, science is a good major right now
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
show examples
for instance
Linking Words
 Pharmacy,
Use synonyms
Food
Correct word choice
and Food
show examples
Technology
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 is
Add an article
a favorite
show examples
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 subject in Indonesia for the
reasion
Correct your spelling
reason
 many
biotechnology
Change to a plural noun
biotechnologies
show examples
important
Add a missing verb
is important
show examples
 to support
food
Use synonyms
 security.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
food
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 will make
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 for supporting
businnes
Correct your spelling
business
such
Linking Words
 as
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
instan
Correct your spelling
instant
 coffee, it is
product
Correct article usage
a product
show examples
 simple to drink without going to
coffee
Add an article
a coffee
show examples
 shop if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 want to drink coffee.
Body · 3
Lastly
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Globalization era is important
every
Change preposition
for every
show examples
 person using
Mobil
Correct article usage
a Mobil
show examples
 phone, Computer and other, it makes
easy
Correct pronoun usage
it easy
show examples
 to do something like
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 or study there are many
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
show examples
for example
Linking Words
 grab
food
Use synonyms
,
Correct word choice
and Shoopee
show examples
Shoopee
Correct your spelling
Shopee
 for buying
online
Add an article
the online
an online
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
.
furthermore
Linking Words
, Email and
Website
Fix the agreement mistake
Websites
show examples
 are using all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 like a student or
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
, because it is
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier than
offline
Add an article
an offline
the offline
show examples
letter
Fix the agreement mistake
letters
show examples
.
Conclusion
in conclusion, science and
technology
Use synonyms
 are more
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 right now than experience, because globalization era a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 use that for
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 or education
such
Linking Words
 as
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
aplication
Correct your spelling
application
 and
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
 to support daily activities
such
Linking Words
 as
businness
Correct your spelling
business
 and
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: