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Band 4.5

Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or a negative trend?

#competitiveness #quality #people #societies #individuals #trend
Human advancement is driven by competition among humans. It could lead to a positive or negative effect
to
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on
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 individuals where the former could teach
Correct article usage
an entity
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entity
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entities
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 about survival and the latter might produce a gap between insignificant and significant figures. It is fact that
humans'
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humans
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 instinct has navigated revolution from
ancient
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the ancient
an ancient
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 period when they have to fight against wild animals to
modern
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the modern
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 era when they have to compete against corporations.
As a result
 of those competitions that have
nurtured
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been nurtured
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 for
over
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apply
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thousands
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of decade
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decade
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decades
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, Homo Sapiens
have
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has
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 created a lot of
state of the art
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state-of-the-art
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 technologies which make individuals prolong their age. One thing worth mentioning is an innovation in
medical
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the medical
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 field that
it
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apply
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could save a million
of
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apply
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lives. Back
then
, It was impossible to avoid
black
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the black
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 death, a bubonic plague pandemic in
14th
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the 14th
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 century, but
the
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apply
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modern technology can cure the illness with just an injection.
Problem
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The problem
A problem
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 arises when individuals try to fight over
them self
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themself
themselves
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 to hike a pyramid hierarchy. Even though hierarchy is just an imagination of where the winner resides, it could lead to a
country
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country's
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 separation due to civil wars.
For example
, The Netherlands colonized Dutch Indische, a name of Indonesia back in
17th
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the 17th
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 century, to monopolize
spices
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the spices
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 trade in the region and to win
European
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the European
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 market with cheap and
high quality
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high-quality
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 goods. Realizing that Indonesia was just merely a slave, the country noble figures started a liberation and fought with a million
of
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apply
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warriors. A
two and a half century
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two-and-a-half-century
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 war killed those innocent lives just to regain power. In conclusion,
the
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apply
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battling might be beneficial for
human
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humans
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 to get a better living.
On the other hand
, it might drive a million
of
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apply
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people killed.
Submitted by ilham.zulfikri.f on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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