IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that if an individual behaves in an anti social manner such as committing a crime, then society is to blame.What are the cause s of anti social behaviour?who do you think is responsible?

It is believed by several individuals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if someone
behave
Change the verb form
behaves
show examples
 in an
anti social
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
 manner,
society
Use synonyms
 should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility
Use synonyms
 to make
such
Linking Words
criminal
Correct article usage
a criminal
show examples
.
Actually
Add a comma
,Actually
show examples
thereare
Correct your spelling
there are
 many causes of
this
Linking Words
 behaviour.
This
Linking Words
 essay intends to analyse some causes of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and give my personal opinion regarding
Use synonyms
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
 of that.
Firstly
Linking Words
,lack of education is one of
important
Add an article
the important
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 causes that leads to
create
Change the verb form
creating
show examples
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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who do socially unacceptable faults. As education build complete individual,all
people
Use synonyms
 in one
society
Use synonyms
 should be educated by
Correct article usage
a relavent
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relavent
Correct your spelling
relevant
 country.Nowadays we can hear news regarding
crimes
Use synonyms
 which has happened in
countries
Use synonyms
 like India,Thailand and China.These
countries
Use synonyms
 have
low
Add an article
a low
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of literacy rates compared to other
countries
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is evident that not educated
people
Use synonyms
 do more
crimes
Use synonyms
 than educated individuals.
Secondly
Linking Words
,in
this
Linking Words
 present
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 social media like Facebook,
instergram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
 and
you tube
Correct your spelling
youtube
show examples
 have become more popular among
people
Use synonyms
 regardless of age.And
also
Linking Words
 these things are not controlled properly by law.
As a result
Linking Words
 of that ,adolescents and children can gain unlimited access. It leads to misuse of social networks and recently more
crimes
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as murders,
rape
Correct word choice
and rape
show examples
 cases have
reported
Add a missing verb
been reported
show examples
 from different
countries
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,I am unable to point out
finger
Correct article usage
the finger
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 towards one individual who should take the
responsibility
Use synonyms
 for
Add an article
the anti
show examples
anti social
Add a hyphen
anti-social
show examples
 behaviour of criminals.According to my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
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 all of us must have equal
responsibility
Use synonyms
 to build
successful
Add an article
a successful
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 with good
people
Use synonyms
. To summarise,
although
Linking Words
 there is a belief that
society
Use synonyms
 should be blamed for
Correct article usage
the occuranace
show examples
occuranace
Correct your spelling
occurrence
 of
crimes
Use synonyms
,we can't directly scold
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Each individual has
Use synonyms
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
a responsibility
show examples
 to prevent crime from our
sorrounding
Correct your spelling
surrounding
surroundings
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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