IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money
Some individuals think that having a huge amount of
money
 is the primary source of
happiness
.
This
 essay will examine why
people
 think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 brings
happiness
 and how other things can make human beings happy. The main reasons for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness
 are that
people
 think they can buy whatever they want when they have
money
 and they can
also
 control
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 around them.
People
 think that, when they have a lot of
money
, they can buy everything. They can live like a king and they can solve all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
of their problems with their
money
.
For instance
, they can build a huge house or travel all around the world with private jets.
Also
, they think that they can control the
people
 with their
money
. Generally, if somebody is rich in the family, other family members always pay special attention to the rich individual and rich
people
 use
this
 as an advantage for their own purposes.
In other words
, they think that with the power of
money
, they will do whatever they want.
However
, there are many things in
this
 life to make humans happy even without
money
such
 as spending
time
 with friends or relatives and making other
people
 happy by doing something for them. Spending some
time
 with relatives is considered to be one of the best leisure
time
 activities in human lives.
People
 always become happy when they see their relatives at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family gatherings.
Moreover
, when
people
 do good things
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 others, they
also
 become happy.
For example
, feeding homeless
people
, giving gifts to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 beloved ones or just saying good . words to other
people
 can
also
 make humans happy. In conclusion, some
people
 think that
money
 will bring
happiness
 to their lives so they can buy whatever they want and control
people
. But they can
also
 be happy if they spend some
time
 with
people
 who are close to them and can do charities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
 as well.
Submitted by turalabdulsamad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: