IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think it’s better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. However, others believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending the same school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #it’s #boys #girls #schools #benefit #school
Although
 some people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 matching boys and girls in the same school has got
advantage
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 result and other say that female and male are good to have instruction by the divided school. In
this
 essay, I will attempt to outline both ideas and provide my perspective. To commence with, a few numbers of parents think that it's a good idea for keeping their daughter or son
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying at
girl-school
Correct article usage
a girl-school
show examples
 or
Correct article usage
a boy-school
show examples
boy-school
Correct your spelling
boy school
show examples
.
Firstly
, students can be more
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrated
show examples
 on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 by attending a single-gender school. No doubt, a lot of teenagers are
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 love
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other boys or girls. Which might disturb
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their studying.
Thus
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents would prefer sending their children to
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 at boy or girl college.
Moreover
, those people who believe that studying
separate
Change the word
separately
show examples
 can be safe and easy to protect their children. No one can argue that every year there has a hundred inappropriate sexual assault
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
 reported by local media.
However
, studying at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 single-gender academy can reduce the rate
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 it
happens
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the opposite group say
that is
 better to support the co-educational
system
.
Firstly
, the government can definitely use less cost to build the college
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with the single-educational
system
.
For
Change preposition
In
show examples
 that case government have to find an empty space and spend more money to build another building for it. Which are
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
 and
social
Correct article usage
a social
show examples
 source.
Furthermore
, studying
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the co-educational
system
 can promote children’s social techniques. Which can help them to build a great
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with the opposite gender. In sum
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, in my opinion, I give a green light to supporting
co-educational
Correct article usage
a co-educational
show examples
system
. Because children can east to understand what each opposite gender's concept and good to have conversations with each other.
Also
, the government can organize the
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 cost-effectively.
Submitted by Anahitadormishian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educate
  • benefit
  • attending
  • separate schools
  • boys and girls
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • eliminates
  • distractions
  • focus
  • studies
  • reduces
  • gender biases
  • stereotypes
  • tailored learning environment
  • co-ed schools
  • promotes
  • social interaction
  • communication skills
  • developing
  • mutual respect
  • understanding
  • real world
  • personal opinion
  • conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: