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Some people think that governments should change the way individuals live, while others believe they should choose the way themselves. Discuss these both points of view and give your opinion

#people #governments #change #individuals #points
It is argued that
authorities
 should take steps to change citizens’ lifestyles.
While
 some populations intend that everybody should have responsibilities for their choice in
life
, I believe in the positive regulation the local
authorities
 usher in. On the one hand, living your own
life
 has a variety of positive in an individual’s
life
 sector.
A
Correct article usage
The
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 first noticeable point is that once people can do what they like, they will work more effectively. To explain, when individuals find their passion in the workplace, they will devote full
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
energies to the companies, thereby boosting economic development.
Furthermore
, being able to choose a lifestyle
that is
 suitable for yourself will reduce stress and enhance people’s health.
For example
, some individuals play sports to improve their body strength,
while
 others maintain weight by engaging in a healthy diet. Even these kinds of activities may have negative effects
such
 as being injured or becoming too skinny.
On the other hand
, the merits of choosing their own way of
life
 cannot overshadow the vital role of the intervention of the state. The primary reason is that by enacting laws
regard to
Wrong verb form
regarding
show examples
 control societies, the ministry can lead the country through the economic crisis.
For instance
, after becoming an independent country, Singapore's
authorities
 offered many regulations to develop
such
 as one family just having one offspring or asking folk to live together in houses built by the government,
as a result
, Singapore has become a world financial centre.
In addition
, with their responsibility, the state should encourage citizens to raise their awareness of society. To illustrate, the government should make residents
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
involved in social activities to connect crowds together or local
authorities
 can mitigate
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 who smoke in public areas by punishing them strictly.
Therefore
, it can prevent humans from serious diseases in the future. In conclusion,
while
 there are strong arguments that personal decision has more benefit, I believe that concerned
authorities
 always give appropriate choices
for
Change preposition
to
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 their residents.
Submitted by jasminek03 on

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task response
Ensure that you fully address the prompt and clearly express your stance on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of your ideas to better connect them throughout the essay. Use linking words and transition phrases to enhance coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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