IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Schools should not force children to learn a foreign lauguage. To what extent do you agree with this statemtent?

#schools #force #children #lauguage #statemtent
It is
agrue
Correct your spelling
argued
 that
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 a foreign
lauguage
Correct your spelling
language
 should not be
obligatory
Correct article usage
an obligatory
show examples
 subject for
children
. While I believe that
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreign terminology in
schools
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 some benefits to
children
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I completely agree with the idea
Correct pronoun usage
that was
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mentioned. On the one hand, it can take some advantages when learning a foreign
lauguage
Correct your spelling
language
.
Firstly
,
children
 can
acess
Correct your spelling
access
 to
diverse
Add an article
the diverse
a diverse
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 of
orther
Correct your spelling
other
 countries.
In addition
, if
schools
 create exchange visits to immerse
children
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
another countries
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
, it helps students have
deeply
Replace the word
deep
show examples
 understanding
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
.
Secondly
, learning fluently a foreign
lauguage
Correct your spelling
language
 could make opportunities for
children
applying
Add the preposition
forapplying
show examples
 a job in the future.
Finally
, at
schools
children
 can experience
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enjoyable websites about languages. Students can explore more in
language
Add an article
the language
a language
show examples
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 learn.
On the other hand
, there are several reasons why it should not be compelled
children
 to learn a foreign
lauguage
Correct your spelling
language
.
Children
 have to deal with
pressure
Add an article
the pressure
show examples
 of
schools
 and family when learning.
This
 way can make them more bored with
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 and under the
Correct your spelling
pressure
presssure
Add a comma
,presssure
show examples
 they
also
 learn ineffectively.
Moveover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
instead
 of learning a foreign dialect,
children
 choose
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 subjects they want to
study
 like art, music, maths, literature,
ect
Correct your spelling
etc
. Because of subjects they like, they will have
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
 to
study
 and
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
 successful in their studies process. In
conclucion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, if students want to go
abrood
Correct your spelling
abroad
show examples
, they can learn a foreign
lauguage
Correct your spelling
language
 to support their knowledge and make chances of their life. But I think that
self-
Correct your spelling
self-study
show examples
study
 by means of choosing subjects you like avoid the pressure from other people is still
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good choice.
Submitted by bttha.qn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: