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Band 5.5

Using computer every day can have more negatives than positive effects on young children. Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #negatives #effects #children
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As technology spread wide these days, it becomes easier for children to deal with computers on daily basis. In my opinion, I completely agree that
this
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 phenomenon has a bad influence on them
especially
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,especially
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 on their health and social skills.
Firstly
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, long sitting on computers may cause a number of health problems for them. Painful back pain that comes from an improper way of sitting in front of the screen might be a major health issue.
Moreover
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, a study shows that 35% of cases of young people who wear glasses
caused
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are caused
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 by the blue ray
which
Correct word choice
that
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 all
computer’s
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computer
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 screens generate.
Also
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, most of the children who spent a big part of their
time
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 on computers tend to eat junk food and refuse to do exercises which causes obesity and
this
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 eventually leads to heart
dieses
Correct your spelling
disease
.
Secondly
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, at
this
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 critical age, social skills are significant and have a major impact on the children’s characteristics.
Hence
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, a lack of these skills might be problematic essentially when it comes to
communicate
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communicating
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 in a formal context
such
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 as job interviews, conferences, and presentations. All of
that is
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 caused by a large amount of
time
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 spent in front of the screen
instead
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 of communicating with others and improving these abilities at a young age.
Finally
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, childhood and teenage are the stages of life where people create their best memories so
instead
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 of staring at a screen the whole
time
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 which, personally, I think is a waste of
time
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in
Change preposition
at
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this
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 age. In conclusion,
although
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 technology is an essential part of our life, I suppose that letting our children use technology every day is harmful to their bodies and personalities.
Submitted by yazantariq35 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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