IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while other think that people and community are become more isolated Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #internet #community
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates how much annual sales have changed in different global items, which include games software,
DVD
Use synonyms
/video and
CDs
Use synonyms
 between 2000 and 2003.

 Overall, the number of money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
games software and
DVD
Use synonyms
 or videos exhibited upward trends throughout the period, while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
CDs
Use synonyms
, which took the lead
within
Change preposition
during
show examples
 these years, showed a slight decline. 
In 2000, the amount for the game application per year was about 15 billion
dollars
Use synonyms
, and it increased gradually by approximately $1
bn
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the following years.
Then
Linking Words
, the profit of
this
Linking Words
 product continued to rise steadily to the year 2003, which saw a moderate rise to around 18 billion
dollars
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 grew to just under $ 20
bn
Use synonyms
 at the end of the period.
 In terms of videos and
Use synonyms
DVD
Fix the agreement mistake
DVDs
show examples
, in the
first
Linking Words
 year of
21th
Change the ending
21st
show examples
century
Add a comma
,century
show examples
 the
selling
Replace the word
sales
show examples
 amount was roughly 18
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
, only less than half of the sales for
CDs
Use synonyms
, at roughly 34
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
dollars
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it showed
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 for the
next
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
couple of years, from about 21 in 2001 to around 25 in 2002, which units are measured in
billions
Add the preposition
ofbillions
show examples
dollars
Use synonyms
. It is worth noting that by 2003 the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
amount of money for
DVD
Use synonyms
/video reached a
pick
Correct your spelling
peak
show examples
 of more than $30
bn
Use synonyms
, almost the same as those of
CDs
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 saw the greatest difference in the
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 that came in
last
Linking Words
, by $11
bn
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by a0111590317 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: