IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

While some think that art is an important subject for children too study, others think it is waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Art is an important thing in our lives and
it's improving
Wrong verb form
it improves
show examples
 our skills in the future when we want to work or study and as we know if we want to learn something the best way to do that learn when we are a child.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the subjects in the school are important things because the children have full energy to do a lot of things ,so they can remember them in their lives and minds and when they use art they will feel achieved and they will improve their creativity and after ,that you can know the extent of their knowledge if they can spend their negative energy in a good place because the fee is the perfect way for that.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the colours mean a lot for the kids they feel happy when they see that ,
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
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 it makes their imagination,so when they study that in school it helps them a lot in the future ,
furthermore
Linking Words
 if anyone
will go
Verb problem
goes
show examples
 to university and
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
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 thing in design like engineering they can easily with old experience of drawing and maybe different majors like becoming great artists for ,example some of them like the music or acting perhaps they will be musicians and actors ,so we should give them their chance. In the end, it is necessary to learn
this
Linking Words
 subject in childhood to help them in the long run and
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 good for us to have like
this
Linking Words
 person in our communities and mix our feelings together that was my opinion
however
Linking Words
 if the people don't agree with me ,but
this
Linking Words
 is the truth.

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coherence
Try to organize your ideas in clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have one main idea. This will help your reader follow your thoughts better.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your own opinion in the introduction and conclusion. This helps to show your point of view on the topic.
task achievement
Use simple and clear examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and easier to understand.
task achievement
You showed your understanding of why art can be important for children, which is good!

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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