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Band 5.5

Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #books #tv #computer #games #children
Some
people
 believe that it is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
ideal for
children
 to read
stories
 rather than watch television or play video
games
. As far as I am concerned, I definitely agree with
this
 idea for two main reasons. One of the major reasons why I agree reading is better is because
children
 can be trained to read long
articles
 and
this
 will be a strength in the future.When
children
 have abilities to focus on long
articles
, they can
also
 concentrate on reading dull questions in tests, dissertations and even some difficult questionaries.
Foe
Correct your spelling
For
show examples
 instance, in Taiwan, in order to help
children
 to able to compete with
people
 from other countries,
leader
Correct article usage
the leader
show examples
 of
education
Add an article
the education
an education
show examples
 department emphasized
children
’s abilities to cope with complex questions.
Therefore
, he
planed
Correct your spelling
planned
show examples
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to extend the length of questions in examinations. under
this
 circumstance, if
children
 cannot read
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 description, they are not able to answer them.
As a result
, it is important for
children
 to read
stories
 so as to gain the
abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
show examples
 to read long
articles
 which must be useful in the future. The
second
 reason why I agree with the statement that reading is better than indulging in
virtual
Add an article
the virtual
a virtual
show examples
 world is due to the fact that screens are harmful to
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
. There is no doubt that more
people
 than previous generations wear glasses because of the advent of products like televisions and computers. If
people
 use those products
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 young age, they will have
nearsight
Correct your spelling
nearsighted
near sight
 earlier than others or even get blind. Take, Taiwan ,
for example
.
Children
 who prefer playing
videos
Change the noun form
video
show examples
games
 to reading books are more likely to wear glasses. As they play video
games
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 day even in darkness whereas those who enjoy reading only do it under enough light.
Consequently
, if individuals do not want
children
children
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
nearsight
Correct your spelling
nearsighted
near sight
, it is better for kids to read
stories
 and stay away from products
such
 as computers and televisions. In consequence, personally, I agree with the idea that
children
 should read
stories
instead
 of playing computer
games
 or watching
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
.The
first
 main reason is the ability to read
articles
 is essential in the future while the
second
 reason is watching screens for a long time is harmful to
children
’s eyes.
Submitted by abbyyang301 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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