Some people believe that hard work and determination are important in achieving success.Many people on the other hand are of the opinion that other factors play a vital role. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.

In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contemporary society, Many consider that one of the most essential
virtue
Change to a plural noun
virtues
show examples
of
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
is acquiring success.
However
Add a comma
,However
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some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
think that
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
who
bored
Add a missing verb
are bored
show examples
in the rich vicinity and their parent's financial power play an important role in successful people's
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. I will discuss both views and support my opinion with examples.
To begin
with, every
person
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
thought regarding acquiring
achievement
. But if
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
only
consider
Change the verb form
considers
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to do
the
Change the word
their
show examples
best
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
any work, it is more than likely individual cannot be
prospering
Add an article
a prospering
the prospering
show examples
person
.
Becuase
Correct your spelling
Because
if we aspire
achievement
, we have to take
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
step to do something. And at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
we have to prepare
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
unsuccessfull
Correct your spelling
unsuccessful
moments.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
occasions actually recall our aspirations which we did the best for them on the pitch. Some studies report that if
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
person
is involved in
exact
Correct article usage
an exact
show examples
work field
throughout
Change preposition
for
show examples
10000 hours, he will gain
achievement
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
field. In my opinion,
this
issue
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
related to the individual's perseverance and commitment.
On the other hand
, some factors can accelerate
this
period. If
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
bored
Add a missing verb
is bored
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
rich family, some consider that he or she is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
lucky
person
.
Becuase
Correct your spelling
Because
it is more than likely parent prefer more well-known school,
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
normally can attain better knowledge, can participate in some science olympiads which is organized on abroad.
Person
Add an article
A person
The person
show examples
definitely will have a chance more than other peers.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
reasons will lead to understanding
achievement
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
age period.
Furthermore
,
proximity
Add an article
the proximity
show examples
of the pupil will be wider.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
conclusion, I would prefer to choose
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
hard-working
Add an article
a hard-working
show examples
person
. Because if
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
decide
Change the verb form
decides
show examples
to
being
Change the verb form
be
show examples
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
, his inner strength only
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
to approach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the top of the mountain.
Submitted by ilkinkarimov on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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