IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Improving trade service and manufacturing sectors are essential for the development of poor nations. For this rich nations should take more responsibility to help poor nations in these areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#trade #service #sectors #development #nations #responsibility #areas
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It is argued that for the betterment of the undeveloped countries, it's important to improve
trade
 and manufacturing sectors and it is only possible through the help of the developed
nations
. I completely agree with the ideas and will support my opinion in
this
 essay with examples. In today's world
trade
 and manufacturing are two major factors that are linked to the increase in the economy of
nations
. It is the need of time for poor countries to improve their
trade
 services because exporting their goods to other territories will not only enhance their economy but will
also
 improve their relations with neighbouring
states
.
Furthermore
, rebuilding of manufacturing department will help in making things on their own and it will
also
 provide multiple jobs to the people as well.
For instance
, Pakistan is the one who is facing a decline in its budget and fulfilling its public's needs through a loan from the IMF. If Pakistan focuses on the construction of industries and exports
then
 it is expected that it will overcome all its hurdles.
Moreover
, the role of rich
states
 in solving hurdles of other
nations
 will improve the entire infrastructure of the world. It is important for the established
states
 to help others in
trade
 and manufacturing which will help them increase their source of income.
For example
, China's CEPC brings many
trade
 opportunities and manufacturing industries to Pakistan, which will create a lot of job opportunities, will boost imports and export and even it will raise the income of the country as well.
Hence
, it is proved that
trade
 and manufacturing are linked with the growth of the
nations
 and the interest of the rich
states
 in
this
 regard will double the growth and development of the poor
nations
.
Submitted by hadiyanasir73 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all the sentences in the paragraph support that central idea. This will strengthen your logical structure.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, ensure that they are more detailed and specific to strengthen your arguments further. Try to use varied sentence structures to articulate your ideas clearly.
task achievement
To better support your main points, incorporate more evidence, such as statistics or quotes from experts, to lend more credibility to your arguments.
task response
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt and addresses the issues of trade and manufacturing in developing countries thoroughly.
task response
You have effectively highlighted the importance of trade and manufacturing in poor nations and the role of rich nations in facilitating this.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Trade service
  • Manufacturing sector
  • Economic development
  • Globalization
  • Humanitarian aid
  • Infrastructure
  • Sustainable development
  • Subsidies
  • Industrialization
  • Capacity building
  • Technology transfer
  • Trade barriers
  • Economic disparity
  • Foreign direct investment (FDI)
  • Multilateral agreements
  • Fair trade
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Dependency theory
  • Empowerment
  • Bilateral assistance
  • Technical expertise
  • Economic sanctions
  • Competitive advantage
  • Export-led growth
  • Protectionist policies
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