IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity
In recent years,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society has significantly altered in
criminal
Add an article
the criminal
show examples
 sphere,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 number of illegal activities
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 increased as well. The following paragraphs will be separated into two, the
first
 will look for major culprits
such
 as
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
population and unacceptable content in America; while the
second
 observes workable solutions as changing schools’
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 and strict laws.
Firstly
, in
autumn
Correct article usage
the autumn
show examples
 of
2022
Add a comma
,2022
show examples
 people had achieved the number
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 8 billion around the planet.
This
 trend
consequently
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
launched enormous
grew
Replace the word
growth
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
whole segments of
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 live as robbery, kidnapping and drinking rose, respectively.
Although
,
this
 is only
statistical
Correct article usage
a statistical
show examples
 observation of the problem,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
open internet resources that are free to use for every individual. All that citizens needed is to search for them or
accidently
Correct your spelling
accidentally
 find them, and after their brains will be absorbing dangerous data.
Moreover
,
diluting
Add an article
the diluting
a diluting
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 can be founded by teenagers,
then
 they will have been forced to be
dillers
Correct your spelling
killers
drillers
fillers
 and sell drugs.
For instance
, the United States had been suffering from kids who were being affected by malefactors,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 deceived them to share drugs with friends. Even though, there is nothing impossible to refuse. The
second
 problem could be solved by adding subjects or assisting students at school to be aware of
darknet
Correct article usage
the darknet
show examples
.
This
 strict should encourage their awareness
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 unknown people and enhance
knowledge
Correct pronoun usage
their knowledge
show examples
 about rules in
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 country.
Furthermore
, laws have to be modernised, even if they are completely working; enhancing ages at
prison
Add an article
the prison
a prison
show examples
 or charging taxes for disturbers will destroy the major acts of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
. It has been
exemplifying
Wrong verb form
exemplified
show examples
 in North Korea where laws are total, and no one cannot approach them. Whereas there is no democracy and humans' basic rules and dictatorship,
this
 country clearly represents that rules are decreasing sufficiently crime rate. To conclude, humans are the main problem of humanity, no one can change
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 behaviour and crimes are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 clear example of
this
.
However
, involving certain
schools
Change the noun form
school
show examples
 programs and modifying
lars
Correct your spelling
laws
show examples
 should defuse
this
 trend.
Submitted by argyn-34 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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